Scientists Confirm British Weather Now Officially ‘Taking the Piss’
The Met Office has published a paper concluding that UK weather patterns have moved beyond statistical anomaly into what researchers are calling…
Environment
UK’s last remaining hedgerow confirmed to be ‘under review’ for housing development
The United Kingdom’s final surviving hedgerow, a modest stretch of hawthorn and blackthorn measuring approximately fourteen metres in length, has been officially…
Technology
Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Still Has to Get Up to Turn Bathroom Light On
A Chelmsford man who has invested £2,400 in smart home technology over the past eighteen months is still required to physically walk…
MPs to trial new ‘honest answers’ system in Prime Minister’s Questions for one week to measure impact on public trust
The House of Commons will implement a pilot scheme next Wednesday requiring members to provide direct answers to questions during Prime Minister’s…
Man who ‘doesn’t really like spice’ orders Nando’s medium for third date, regrets everything
A Nottingham man is tonight questioning every decision that led him to a Nando’s booth, sweating through a chicken burger he actively…
Technology
Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Three Tablets and a Degree in Computer Science to Turn on Kitchen Lights
A Nottingham man has revealed that his journey towards a fully automated home has instead resulted in a domestic environment that requires…
Cyber Security
IT department confirms they definitely won’t mention that breach from 2024 unless specifically asked
The information security team at Sentinel Financial Services has issued a carefully worded internal memo confirming that last year’s data breach, which…
Animals
British wasps announce industrial action over ‘unsustainable’ jam consumption expectations
The National Union of Hymenoptera (NUH) has today announced that its wasp members will begin an indefinite work-to-rule from Monday 4th August,…
Science
Britain’s Nuclear Fusion Reactor Achieves Breakthrough After Scientists Remember to Plug It In Properly
The UK’s flagship fusion energy project has achieved a significant milestone this week after researchers at the Culham Centre for Fusion Energy…
Britain’s recycling bins to be fitted with CCTV after government admits it has no idea what happens to plastic after collection
The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has announced that all household recycling bins across England will be fitted with surveillance…