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Thursday, 29 October 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Science

Proton Spent 16 Years Going Round In Circles At Nearly The Speed Of Light, Says Shutdown Is ‘First Time Anyone’s Asked If I’m Okay’

The Large Hadron Collider has finished its latest run and is entering a shutdown of several years for its High-Luminosity upgrade. We spoke to one proton about it.…

By Sarah Kelsey · 29 October 2026
Environment

Company Delighted To Announce It Will No Longer Be Announcing Anything About The Environment

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, EMBARGOED UNTIL NOBODY IS LOOKING Mildly Ambitious Solutions Ltd, the Reading-based provider of workflow consultancy and mid-range office furniture…

Tom Ashworth · 28 October 2026
Business

Brindlecombe & Moist Holdings Announces Staff Will Be Assessed For Six Months Before Being Assessed For Another Six Months, ‘In The Spirit Of Employment Rights Reform’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Brindlecombe & Moist Holdings (BMH), the Rotherham-based provider of workplace compliance solutions to organisations that are themselves providers of…

Tom Ashworth · 26 October 2026
Politics

Treasury Announces Budget Speculation Will Now Be Held In Place Of Budget To Save Everyone Time

HM TREASURY. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. EMBARGOED UNTIL SUCH TIME AS IT APPEARS IN A NEWSPAPER. HM Treasury today announced that, with effect…

Tom Ashworth · 26 October 2026
Food and Drink

‘I’ve Been Crisping Since 1pm, Which Is Now Also 1pm’: Exhausted Roast Potato Speaks Out As Clocks Go Back

The clocks go back this weekend, which means that by 4pm on Sunday the nation will be eating its roast dinner in…

James Whitford · 25 October 2026
Health & Beauty

Nation’s Sleepmaxxers Treat Extra Hour As Personal Best, Immediately Ruin It By Checking Ring Score

The clocks go back this Sunday, giving Britain an extra hour in bed. The nation’s sleepmaxxers are treating it as a personal…

Sarah Kelsey · 24 October 2026
Automotive

Carmaker Thrilled To Announce Revolutionary New Technology Called ‘A Button’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Wibbleton Motors is delighted to unveil what it calls the most significant leap in cabin interaction in over a…

James Whitford · 24 October 2026
Cyber Security

Entire Workforce Ignores Genuine Pay Rise Email After Assuming It Is Another Phishing Test

Not one of the 340 employees at Brindlecombe Ledger & Sundry has opened an email announcing a 4.2 per cent pay rise,…

Tom Ashworth · 23 October 2026
Animals

Office Dog With Perfect Attendance Tells Hybrid Colleagues They ‘Don’t Know What Commitment Is’

I have been in the office every working day since the mandate was announced. That is five days a week, with one…

Tom Ashworth · 23 October 2026
Science

Interview: The Cloud Sitting Over Britain Since September Says Orionid Meteor Shower ‘Sounds Lovely, Do Send Pictures’

The Orionid meteor shower peaks overnight on 21 to 22 October. It is debris from Halley’s Comet, best viewed after 2am, away…

Sarah Kelsey · 22 October 2026
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Most Recent

  • Proton Spent 16 Years Going Round In Circles At Nearly The Speed Of Light, Says Shutdown Is ‘First Time Anyone’s Asked If I’m Okay’
  • Company Delighted To Announce It Will No Longer Be Announcing Anything About The Environment
  • Brindlecombe & Moist Holdings Announces Staff Will Be Assessed For Six Months Before Being Assessed For Another Six Months, ‘In The Spirit Of Employment Rights Reform’
  • Treasury Announces Budget Speculation Will Now Be Held In Place Of Budget To Save Everyone Time
  • ‘I’ve Been Crisping Since 1pm, Which Is Now Also 1pm’: Exhausted Roast Potato Speaks Out As Clocks Go Back
  • Nation’s Sleepmaxxers Treat Extra Hour As Personal Best, Immediately Ruin It By Checking Ring Score

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