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Monday, 5 October 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Business

Man Who Hates His Job Holds It Tighter After Reading One Article About the Job Market

Keith Warrender, 51, has held the same role for eleven years, a position he describes as “fine” in the tone most people reserve for a verruca. On Monday…

By Tom Ashworth · 5 October 2026
Politics

Fringe event attended by 400 people, all of whom are due to speak at a different fringe event

A fringe event on housing delivery held in the Marlowe Suite of the Harbourside Hotel on Tuesday afternoon was attended by 400…

Tom Ashworth · 5 October 2026
Food and Drink

Man Who Just Wanted a Normal Yoghurt Gently Escorted From Chilled Aisle After Failing to Find One With Fewer Than 25g of Protein

Colin Hartley, 47, a facilities coordinator from Swindon, entered the chilled aisle of his local supermarket at 6.40pm on Tuesday with a…

James Whitford · 4 October 2026
Health & Beauty

I Have Eaten 190g of Protein Today and I Can Now Hear Colours: A Column by a Man Holding a Yoghurt He Describes as ‘Basically Steak’

It is 11.40am and I have had 94g of protein. The yoghurt in my hand has 20g. It is a yoghurt in…

Sarah Kelsey · 3 October 2026
Automotive

Treasury Reminds Electric Car Drivers That 3p-a-Mile Charge Will Also Cover Every Mile Spent Circling a Car Park Looking for a Charger, and ‘Possibly the Ones You Just Imagined’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE HM Treasury is thrilled, genuinely thrilled, to confirm that the pay-per-mile charge for electric vehicles (3p a mile, due…

James Whitford · 3 October 2026
Cyber Security

Ransomware Gang Issues Customer Notice Over UK Payment Ban: ‘We Appreciate Your Continued Non-Payment’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SERVICE UPDATE FOR ALL VALUED VICTIMS Lovely Little Encryptions Ltd today wrote to its client base, which did not…

Tom Ashworth · 2 October 2026
Animals

OPINION: I Spent Five Years Holding This Household Together From the Sofa, and Now They Want Me to Welcome Hybrid Working

I have been in this role for five years, and in that time nobody has once asked for my input on anything.…

Tom Ashworth · 2 October 2026
Science

Nine Ways To Look Casual While Waiting For A Stockholm Phone Call That Is Not Coming: A Guide For Britain’s Overlooked Scientists

The Nobel announcements begin next week, starting with Physiology or Medicine. Somewhere in Britain, a professor has already ironed a shirt. Here…

Sarah Kelsey · 1 October 2026
Environment

Firm So Committed To Sustainability It Has Stopped Mentioning It Entirely

Trundlewick Group, a mid-sized firm with roughly 900 employees and a car park internally described as ‘adequate’, confirmed on Tuesday that its…

Tom Ashworth · 30 September 2026
Technology

Landline switch-off: Nine things you’ll need to replace, including the hallway table, the tiny pencil on a string, and the one person who still rings you

The UK’s old analogue phone network is being retired, with households moving over to internet-based calling by January 2027. The handset will…

Sarah Kelsey · 30 September 2026
123…22Next →

Most Recent

  • Man Who Hates His Job Holds It Tighter After Reading One Article About the Job Market
  • Fringe event attended by 400 people, all of whom are due to speak at a different fringe event
  • Man Who Just Wanted a Normal Yoghurt Gently Escorted From Chilled Aisle After Failing to Find One With Fewer Than 25g of Protein
  • I Have Eaten 190g of Protein Today and I Can Now Hear Colours: A Column by a Man Holding a Yoghurt He Describes as ‘Basically Steak’
  • Treasury Reminds Electric Car Drivers That 3p-a-Mile Charge Will Also Cover Every Mile Spent Circling a Car Park Looking for a Charger, and ‘Possibly the Ones You Just Imagined’
  • Ransomware Gang Issues Customer Notice Over UK Payment Ban: ‘We Appreciate Your Continued Non-Payment’

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