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Friday, 24 July 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Animals

British seagulls demand workplace pension contributions after 40 years stealing chips

A coalition of coastal seagulls has filed a collective grievance with the Department for Work and Pensions, arguing that four decades of systematic chip theft and ice cream…

By Tom Ashworth · 24 July 2026
Cyber Security

British company spends £2.3m on cybersecurity, still clicks ‘Accept All Cookies’ on every website

A Manchester-based logistics firm that recently completed a £2.3 million cybersecurity overhaul has confirmed it continues to click ‘Accept All Cookies’ on…

Tom Ashworth · 24 July 2026
Science

UK Space Agency Confirms Mars Rover Has Developed Intense Rivalry with Nearby Rock

The UK Space Agency has confirmed that its £287 million Mars rover, Perseverance II, has spent the last eleven days locked in…

Sarah Kelsey · 23 July 2026
Food and Drink

Britain’s beer gardens to remain empty until 2027 as nation waits for warm day that doesn’t clash with existing plans

The UK’s 40,000 beer gardens are expected to sit largely vacant for the next three years after meteorologists confirmed that every forecast…

James Whitford · 22 July 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms they’ve been ignoring that critical security update email for ‘nearly eight months now’

The IT department at Henderson & Wright Logistics has confirmed that a critical security patch flagged as ‘urgent’ by their software vendor…

Tom Ashworth · 17 July 2026
Animals

Urban foxes announce they’ll be working from home permanently following trial period

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Britain’s urban fox population has announced that it will be making remote working arrangements permanent following a successful three-year…

Tom Ashworth · 17 July 2026
Science

Nation’s Physicists Confirm They Also Have No Idea What That Smell in the Lab Is

Britain’s leading quantum physicists have admitted that despite possessing equipment capable of detecting individual photons, they remain completely unable to identify the…

Sarah Kelsey · 16 July 2026
Environment

Britain’s rewilding projects now just abandoned garden centres with feral staff

Conservation groups have admitted that a significant number of the UK’s flagship rewilding sites have become functionally indistinguishable from garden centres that…

Tom Ashworth · 15 July 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Bathroom After Router Update

A Manchester resident has been confined to his bathroom for six hours after a routine router firmware update rendered every smart device…

Sarah Kelsey · 15 July 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £3,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Kitchen Until Alexa Stops Sulking

A Bromley man remains confined to his kitchen for a third consecutive day after his smart home ecosystem entered what he describes…

Sarah Kelsey · 12 July 2026
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Most Recent

  • British seagulls demand workplace pension contributions after 40 years stealing chips
  • British company spends £2.3m on cybersecurity, still clicks ‘Accept All Cookies’ on every website
  • UK Space Agency Confirms Mars Rover Has Developed Intense Rivalry with Nearby Rock
  • Britain’s beer gardens to remain empty until 2027 as nation waits for warm day that doesn’t clash with existing plans
  • IT department confirms they’ve been ignoring that critical security update email for ‘nearly eight months now’
  • Urban foxes announce they’ll be working from home permanently following trial period

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