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Wednesday, 30 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Environment

Firm So Committed To Sustainability It Has Stopped Mentioning It Entirely

Trundlewick Group, a mid-sized firm with roughly 900 employees and a car park internally described as ‘adequate’, confirmed on Tuesday that its sustainability commitments remain fully intact and…

By Tom Ashworth · 30 September 2026
Technology

Landline switch-off: Nine things you’ll need to replace, including the hallway table, the tiny pencil on a string, and the one person who still rings you

The UK’s old analogue phone network is being retired, with households moving over to internet-based calling by January 2027. The handset will…

Sarah Kelsey · 30 September 2026
Space

UK Space Agency Folded Into Government Department, Insists It Still Has Plenty of Space

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The UK Space Agency is delighted to announce that it has been absorbed into the Department for Science, Innovation…

Sarah Kelsey · 29 September 2026
Technology

PRESS RELEASE: New Digital ID Can Confirm You Are Definitely You In Seconds, Provided You Upload A Photo Of Yourself Holding A Photo Of Yourself

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. Cabinet Office Communications Team. We are delighted to announce the next phase of the national digital ID programme. It…

Sarah Kelsey · 29 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Owns Most Complicated Light Switch in Surrey

A Guildford man has successfully transformed his three-bedroom semi into a technological fortress where turning on the hallway light requires two apps,…

Sarah Kelsey · 27 September 2026
Food and Drink

Man who ordered ‘artisan sourdough’ at Wetherspoons finally released from hospital

A Nottingham man has been discharged from Queen’s Medical Centre after spending three weeks recovering from what doctors are describing as “severe…

James Whitford · 27 September 2026
Cyber Security

IT Security Chief Spends Fifth Consecutive Hour Explaining Why ‘Password123!’ Isn’t Actually Fine

Martin Fletcher has been sitting in Meeting Room 3B since half past nine this morning, attempting to convey to the accounts payable…

Tom Ashworth · 25 September 2026
Animals

UK squirrels to be reclassified as ‘economically inactive’ after latest employment figures

The Office for National Statistics has confirmed that Britain’s estimated five million grey squirrels will be recategorised as economically inactive in next…

Tom Ashworth · 25 September 2026
Science

British Scientists Discover New Particle That Explains Why Your Phone Charger Is Never Where You Left It

Physicists at Imperial College London have identified a previously unknown subatomic particle that they claim is responsible for the spontaneous relocation of…

Sarah Kelsey · 24 September 2026
Environment

UK’s last remaining carbon offset forest found to be mostly ‘quite knackered’ ash trees from 2019

The sole surviving woodland project still registered with Britain’s Carbon Offset Verification Scheme has been revealed to consist primarily of diseased ash…

Tom Ashworth · 23 September 2026
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Most Recent

  • Firm So Committed To Sustainability It Has Stopped Mentioning It Entirely
  • Landline switch-off: Nine things you’ll need to replace, including the hallway table, the tiny pencil on a string, and the one person who still rings you
  • UK Space Agency Folded Into Government Department, Insists It Still Has Plenty of Space
  • PRESS RELEASE: New Digital ID Can Confirm You Are Definitely You In Seconds, Provided You Upload A Photo Of Yourself Holding A Photo Of Yourself
  • Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Owns Most Complicated Light Switch in Surrey
  • Man who ordered ‘artisan sourdough’ at Wetherspoons finally released from hospital

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