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Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued Scientists Confirm Most Expensive Particle Collider Ever Built Still Just Smashing Things Together to See What Happens Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Manually Pressing Button to Ask Permission to Turn On Own Kettle
Environment

Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has announced that all household recycling bins across England will be renamed ‘aspiration repositories’ as part of a comprehensive programme to ensure…

Science

Scientists Confirm Most Expensive Particle Collider Ever Built Still Just Smashing Things Together to See What Happens

25 March 2026 Sarah Kelsey No Comments

CERN has announced plans for a £17 billion particle collider that will, like its predecessors, operate on the principle of throwing very small things at each other very hard until…

Environment

Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

An investigation by this publication has found that approximately seventy per cent of Britain’s carbon offset projects consist of men in hi-vis jackets depositing invasive plant species beside A-roads, then…

Environment

Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

A Manchester resident who has attended stag weekends in Prague, Budapest and Kraków since February is struggling to understand why his household recycling rates remain stubbornly high despite his conscientious…

Technology

Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Manually Pressing Button to Ask Permission to Turn On Own Kettle

25 March 2026 Sarah Kelsey No Comments

A Bristol man who invested £1,200 in smart home technology now requires three separate app authentications and a manual button press to boil water in his own kitchen. Tom Hargreaves,…

Space

Britain’s First Astronaut to Mars Spends Entire Journey Apologising to ESA Controller for Taking Up Space

24 March 2026 Sarah Kelsey No Comments

Major Timothy Aldridge, Britain’s first astronaut bound for Mars, has spent the initial 47 days of his seven-month journey issuing a continuous stream of apologies to European Space Agency mission…

Politics

Starmer confirms he’s perfectly happy to wait until 2029 to have any actual policies

23 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

The Prime Minister has reassured the nation that there is absolutely no rush to implement any of the housing reforms, NHS improvements, or economic growth measures promised during last year’s…

Business

British Gas announces new ‘standing charge for not being a standing charge’ to appear on April bills

23 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

British Gas has confirmed that customers will see a new line item on their April bills described as a ‘standing charge administration fee (standing)’, which the company says is necessary…

Animals

Britain’s hedgehogs demand flexible working arrangements after discovering they’re more productive at dawn

22 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The British Hedgehog Collective has formally submitted a request to the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs seeking recognition of flexible working arrangements that would allow…

Gaming

Nintendo announces new console will be backwards compatible with sense of wonder you felt in 1998

22 March 2026 James Whitford No Comments

Nintendo has confirmed that its upcoming console, dubbed the Switch 2, will feature full backwards compatibility with the overwhelming sense of joy and possibility you experienced when you first played…

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Recent Posts

  • Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued
  • Scientists Confirm Most Expensive Particle Collider Ever Built Still Just Smashing Things Together to See What Happens
  • Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys
  • Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full
  • Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Manually Pressing Button to Ask Permission to Turn On Own Kettle

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  • March 2026

You missed

Environment

Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments
Science

Scientists Confirm Most Expensive Particle Collider Ever Built Still Just Smashing Things Together to See What Happens

25 March 2026 Sarah Kelsey No Comments
Environment

Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments
Environment

Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full

25 March 2026 Tom Ashworth No Comments

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