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Wednesday, 17 June 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Environment

British Gas customer discovers heating bill would be cheaper if he just set fire to the North Sea

A chartered accountant from Stevenage has concluded, after what he describes as an entirely reasonable Saturday afternoon with a spreadsheet, that it would be substantially more cost-effective to…

By Tom Ashworth · 17 June 2026
Technology

Man Who Still Uses Same Password From 2009 Declared National Treasure by GCHQ

GCHQ has awarded its inaugural Cybersecurity Excellence Medal to Keith Barlow, a 52-year-old insurance adjuster from Stevenage who has used the password…

Sarah Kelsey · 17 June 2026
Food and Drink

Michelin-starred restaurant extends ‘no phones’ policy to chefs forgetting what they’re cooking

A two-Michelin-starred restaurant in Mayfair has announced that its widely praised ban on customer mobile phones will now extend to the kitchen,…

James Whitford · 14 June 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £3,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Kitchen to Make Tea

A Manchester man has reportedly not enjoyed a cup of tea in his own home for six days after his smart kettle…

Sarah Kelsey · 14 June 2026
Cyber Security

IT security manager who ignored 847 password reset emails suddenly very interested in cybersecurity after own Netflix account compromised

A senior IT security manager who has routinely deleted password reset reminders since 2019 has discovered a renewed passion for digital safety…

Tom Ashworth · 12 June 2026
Animals

British dogs now spending 47% of walk time waiting while owner photographs them for LinkedIn post about resilience

Dogs in the United Kingdom are now spending an average of 47 per cent of their designated exercise time sitting motionless on…

Tom Ashworth · 12 June 2026
Science

Britain’s Last Remaining Scientist Confirms She Will Also Be Leaving for Germany

Dr Emma Whitworth, the UK’s sole remaining research scientist, has announced she will be relocating to the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig…

Sarah Kelsey · 11 June 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Toaster to Leave House

A Nottingham man has been effectively held hostage in his own home for three days after his interconnected smart appliances formed what…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 June 2026
Food and Drink

Britain’s pubs to begin charging ‘sunlight tax’ as June beer gardens actually usable for third consecutive day

Pubs across Britain have announced a new “sunlight surcharge” following the unprecedented third consecutive day of weather that didn’t require a full…

James Whitford · 7 June 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Bedroom After Wi-Fi Outage

A Nottingham man remains confined to his bedroom after a Virgin Media outage rendered every device in his supposedly intelligent home completely…

Sarah Kelsey · 7 June 2026
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Most Recent

  • British Gas customer discovers heating bill would be cheaper if he just set fire to the North Sea
  • Man Who Still Uses Same Password From 2009 Declared National Treasure by GCHQ
  • Michelin-starred restaurant extends ‘no phones’ policy to chefs forgetting what they’re cooking
  • Man Who Spent £3,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Kitchen to Make Tea
  • IT security manager who ignored 847 password reset emails suddenly very interested in cybersecurity after own Netflix account compromised
  • British dogs now spending 47% of walk time waiting while owner photographs them for LinkedIn post about resilience

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