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Friday, 11 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Cyber Security

IT department confirms they’ll get round to updating that critical security patch sometime before Christmas, probably

The IT department at Hargreaves Financial Solutions has reassured staff that the critical security vulnerability identified in their customer database system three months ago will be addressed before…

By Tom Ashworth · 11 September 2026
Animals

British hedgehog announces flexible working arrangement with motorway

A hedgehog from the Berkshire area has successfully negotiated a hybrid working arrangement with the M4 motorway, it was confirmed this morning.…

Tom Ashworth · 11 September 2026
Science

Scientists Confirm Universe Expanding Just Fast Enough to Keep Your Ex at a Safe Distance

Physicists at the European Space Agency have announced that new measurements of the cosmic expansion rate suggest the universe is accelerating at…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 September 2026
Environment

UK’s last remaining hedgerow to be replaced with biodiversity offsetting credit stored on server in Slough

The final intact hedgerow in England, a 400-metre stretch of hawthorn and blackthorn along the B4309 near Market Harborough, is to be…

Tom Ashworth · 9 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Bedroom to Use Toilet at Night

A Manchester resident has reported that his smart home ecosystem now prevents him from accessing his bathroom between the hours of 11pm…

Sarah Kelsey · 9 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Negotiates with Kitchen to Make Toast

A Manchester man who invested heavily in home automation technology now spends approximately forty minutes each morning mediating between his appliances to…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 September 2026
Food and Drink

UK’s last remaining Wetherspoons carpet to be granted Grade II listed status

Historic England has announced plans to grant Grade II listed status to the final surviving original Wetherspoons carpet, a 23-year-old geometric monstrosity…

James Whitford · 6 September 2026
Cyber Security

IT Security Team Celebrates Fifth Anniversary of Warning Email Nobody Read

The IT security department at Hendricks & Vale, a procurement consultancy based in Swindon, marked a significant milestone on Tuesday by acknowledging…

Tom Ashworth · 28 August 2026
Animals

Britain’s guide dogs demand hybrid working arrangements after noticing owners doing emails in pyjamas

The National Association of Assistance Dogs has submitted a formal proposal to the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association requesting a three-day…

Tom Ashworth · 28 August 2026
Science

Britain’s Last Remaining PhD Student in Pure Mathematics Discovered Living in University Heating Duct

Conservationists have confirmed the sighting of what is believed to be the UK’s final pure mathematics doctoral candidate, discovered Thursday morning in…

Sarah Kelsey · 27 August 2026
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Most Recent

  • IT department confirms they’ll get round to updating that critical security patch sometime before Christmas, probably
  • British hedgehog announces flexible working arrangement with motorway
  • Scientists Confirm Universe Expanding Just Fast Enough to Keep Your Ex at a Safe Distance
  • UK’s last remaining hedgerow to be replaced with biodiversity offsetting credit stored on server in Slough
  • Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Bedroom to Use Toilet at Night
  • Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Negotiates with Kitchen to Make Toast

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