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Wednesday, 23 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Environment

UK’s last remaining carbon offset forest found to be mostly ‘quite knackered’ ash trees from 2019

The sole surviving woodland project still registered with Britain’s Carbon Offset Verification Scheme has been revealed to consist primarily of diseased ash saplings in a waterlogged field seven…

By Tom Ashworth · 23 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £4,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Living Room After Firmware Update

A Berkshire man has been confined to his living room for three days after a routine firmware update rendered his entire smart…

Sarah Kelsey · 23 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Still Has to Get Up to Turn Kitchen Light On

A Bristol man who has invested over £8,000 in smart home technology continues to walk six feet to manually operate his kitchen…

Sarah Kelsey · 20 September 2026
Food and Drink

Pret launches ‘Subscription Fatigue Subscription’ for customers too tired to remember which food services they’re paying £25 a month for

Pret A Manger has announced a new monthly subscription service designed specifically for customers who can no longer keep track of which…

James Whitford · 20 September 2026
Cyber Security

IT department congratulates itself on successful phishing test that fooled absolutely nobody

The IT security team at Midlands-based logistics firm Branwell Solutions has declared its latest phishing simulation exercise an overwhelming success, having successfully…

Tom Ashworth · 18 September 2026
Animals

British hedgehogs announce aggressive merger with rival slug population

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Hedgehog UK Limited, the nation’s leading nocturnal insectivore, has today announced its intention to acquire the entirety of the…

Tom Ashworth · 18 September 2026
Science

UK Scientists Accidentally Cure Hangovers While Trying to Make Cheaper Rocket Fuel

A team of researchers at Imperial College London has inadvertently developed a complete cure for hangovers while attempting to synthesise cost-effective rocket…

Sarah Kelsey · 17 September 2026
Technology

British Man Discovers He’s Been Video Calling His Mum Using ‘Beauty Filter’ for Three Years, Now Considered ‘Suspiciously Youthful’

A 34-year-old project manager from Swindon has spent the past three years unknowingly video calling his mother with a beauty filter activated,…

Sarah Kelsey · 16 September 2026
Environment

Britain’s rewilded beavers now unionised, demanding better streams and dental

Beavers reintroduced to British waterways as part of the government’s rewilding initiative have formally unionised and submitted a list of demands to…

Tom Ashworth · 16 September 2026
Technology

Nation’s Developers Admit They’ve Been Googling ‘How to Centre a Div’ for 20 Years

The British Web Development Consortium issued a formal statement this morning acknowledging that the country’s software engineers have been searching for the…

Sarah Kelsey · 13 September 2026
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Most Recent

  • UK’s last remaining carbon offset forest found to be mostly ‘quite knackered’ ash trees from 2019
  • Man Who Spent £4,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Living Room After Firmware Update
  • Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Still Has to Get Up to Turn Kitchen Light On
  • Pret launches ‘Subscription Fatigue Subscription’ for customers too tired to remember which food services they’re paying £25 a month for
  • IT department congratulates itself on successful phishing test that fooled absolutely nobody
  • British hedgehogs announce aggressive merger with rival slug population

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