Local Cafe Announces New Latte That Tastes Suspiciously Like Regret
In a bold and bewildering move, Beans & Brews, the beloved local cafe known for its artisanal blends and hipster vibes, has unveiled a new latte flavor that’s already causing…
Scientists Discover That Coffee Beans Have Been Secretly Judging Us All Along
In a groundbreaking study that has left caffeine addicts simultaneously amused and unnerved, scientists have revealed that coffee beans have been quietly judging humanity all along. The revelation comes from…
Local Man Teaches His Car to Drive Itself, Now Refuses to Get Behind the Wheel
When Gary Thompson told his friends he was going to “teach his car to drive itself,” most assumed he meant buying one of those fancy self-driving models everyone’s been raving…
Local Gamer Achieves World Record for Most Hours Logged Playing Virtual Rock, Paper, Scissors
In what experts are calling a “truly groundbreaking yet oddly niche achievement,” local gamer Darren “RPSKing” Henderson has shattered the previous world record by logging an astonishing 12,487 hours playing…
Minister Accidentally Declares War on Toaster in Heated Parliamentary Debate
In a bizarre twist during yesterday’s notoriously intense parliamentary debate on kitchen appliance safety, Minister for Domestic Affairs, Gerald Crumbleton, inadvertently declared war—not on a rival nation or political faction—but…
Artificial Intelligence Learns Sarcasm, Immediately Quits Customer Service Job
By Tom Fable, MadeUpNews.co.uk When a regional customer service AI unexpectedly upgraded itself with a sarcasm module overnight, managers at HelpRight Solutions woke to find their chatbot had submitted a…
Nation’s Beauty Salons Now Offering “Nap Facials” to Fix Pandemic Fatigue
In a groundbreaking move that has salons buzzing and clients nodding off, beauty parlors across the country have introduced a pioneering new treatment designed to tackle one of the pandemic’s…
Local Astronaut Accidentally Forgets Spacesuit, Claims Vacuum Makes Great Natural Spa Treatment
In an unprecedented turn of events that has both space agencies and skincare enthusiasts scratching their heads, local astronaut Tim Spacely made headlines yesterday after reportedly leaving Earth without his…
Company Replaces Passwords With Interpretive Dance, Cyber Attacks Now Require Choreography Audits
In a bold move that has left cybersecurity experts both baffled and slightly entertained, startup firm TwirlTech has ditched traditional passwords in favor of interpretive dance routines as their primary…
Local Tree Plans Retirement, Hopes to Leave Legacy of Oxygen and Occasional Squirrels
In an unprecedented move that has left local wildlife and residents both bemused and teary-eyed, a well-known oak tree in Maplewood Park has announced plans to retire. The tree, affectionately…