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Monday, 12 October 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Business

Man who hates his job but is too frightened to leave recorded by HR as ‘highly engaged’

Martin Hollis, a Senior Reconciliation Analyst at Brindlesworth & Pinch Logistical Solutions, was described in an all-staff email on Monday as ‘a shining example of remarkable loyalty’, having…

By Tom Ashworth · 12 October 2026
Politics

Treasury Confirms Budget Speculation Now Longer Than Budget, Offers to Hold Actual Announcement as Optional Epilogue

HM TREASURY PRESS NOTICE. For release at a time to be briefed in advance to selected Sunday newspapers. HM Treasury today confirmed…

Tom Ashworth · 12 October 2026
Food and Drink

OPINION: I’ve Put Protein In Everything I Own And I’m Now Technically A Gym, Says Man

I would like to begin by saying that I am not a gym person. I have a gym membership, which is different.…

James Whitford · 11 October 2026
Health & Beauty

Nine Things That Now Come With Added Protein, Ranked By How Much They Resent It

Britain has decided that protein is the only nutrient that matters. Fibre has been quietly moved to a smaller font. Supermarkets have…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 October 2026
Automotive

Carmaker Thrilled To Announce Groundbreaking Wiper Technology Called ‘A Switch’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Thistlewick Motors today unveils the most significant advance in windscreen management since, well, the windscreen wiper. Introducing the TactiWipe™…

James Whitford · 10 October 2026
Cyber Security

IT Department Delighted As 100% Of Staff Now Report Every Email As Phishing, Including Its Own Cyber Security Awareness Month Reminders

FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION. Norbury Sprocket & Fitting Group, Reading. The IT Service Desk at Norbury Sprocket & Fitting Group is pleased to…

Tom Ashworth · 9 October 2026
Animals

‘Job Hugging’ Is Nothing New, Says Tortoise Who Has Been in Same Role at Garden Centre Since 1974

Colin is the resident tortoise at a garden centre on the edge of a Midlands town. He has held the post since…

Tom Ashworth · 9 October 2026
Science

‘I Said \”Fascinating\” and Looked at the Ceiling’: Man Who Has Bluffed Through Every Nobel Science Announcement Since 1987 Finally Cornered by Colleague

Graham Pettifer, 58, is a Senior Category Buyer at a mid-sized logistics firm in Reading. He has sat through thirty-eight Nobel announcements…

Sarah Kelsey · 8 October 2026
Environment

I Was Off Sick the Day They Asked for Volunteers, and Now I Will Never Be Free

I had a chest infection on the Tuesday. I mention this not as an excuse but as evidence, because it is the…

Tom Ashworth · 7 October 2026
Space

UK Space Agency Completes Merger Into Whitehall Department, Immediately Told It Can’t Book The Big Meeting Room Until November

PRESS RELEASE. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, subject to sign-off, which is expected in Q3. The UK Space Agency is delighted to announce that…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 October 2026
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Most Recent

  • Man who hates his job but is too frightened to leave recorded by HR as ‘highly engaged’
  • Treasury Confirms Budget Speculation Now Longer Than Budget, Offers to Hold Actual Announcement as Optional Epilogue
  • OPINION: I’ve Put Protein In Everything I Own And I’m Now Technically A Gym, Says Man
  • Nine Things That Now Come With Added Protein, Ranked By How Much They Resent It
  • Carmaker Thrilled To Announce Groundbreaking Wiper Technology Called ‘A Switch’
  • IT Department Delighted As 100% Of Staff Now Report Every Email As Phishing, Including Its Own Cyber Security Awareness Month Reminders

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