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Sunday, 4 October 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Food and Drink

Man Who Just Wanted a Normal Yoghurt Gently Escorted From Chilled Aisle After Failing to Find One With Fewer Than 25g of Protein

Colin Hartley, 47, a facilities coordinator from Swindon, entered the chilled aisle of his local supermarket at 6.40pm on Tuesday with a modest and, he believed, achievable goal:…

By James Whitford · 4 October 2026
Health & Beauty

I Have Eaten 190g of Protein Today and I Can Now Hear Colours: A Column by a Man Holding a Yoghurt He Describes as ‘Basically Steak’

It is 11.40am and I have had 94g of protein. The yoghurt in my hand has 20g. It is a yoghurt in…

Sarah Kelsey · 3 October 2026
Automotive

Treasury Reminds Electric Car Drivers That 3p-a-Mile Charge Will Also Cover Every Mile Spent Circling a Car Park Looking for a Charger, and ‘Possibly the Ones You Just Imagined’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE HM Treasury is thrilled, genuinely thrilled, to confirm that the pay-per-mile charge for electric vehicles (3p a mile, due…

James Whitford · 3 October 2026
Cyber Security

Ransomware Gang Issues Customer Notice Over UK Payment Ban: ‘We Appreciate Your Continued Non-Payment’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SERVICE UPDATE FOR ALL VALUED VICTIMS Lovely Little Encryptions Ltd today wrote to its client base, which did not…

Tom Ashworth · 2 October 2026
Animals

OPINION: I Spent Five Years Holding This Household Together From the Sofa, and Now They Want Me to Welcome Hybrid Working

I have been in this role for five years, and in that time nobody has once asked for my input on anything.…

Tom Ashworth · 2 October 2026
Science

Nine Ways To Look Casual While Waiting For A Stockholm Phone Call That Is Not Coming: A Guide For Britain’s Overlooked Scientists

The Nobel announcements begin next week, starting with Physiology or Medicine. Somewhere in Britain, a professor has already ironed a shirt. Here…

Sarah Kelsey · 1 October 2026
Environment

Firm So Committed To Sustainability It Has Stopped Mentioning It Entirely

Trundlewick Group, a mid-sized firm with roughly 900 employees and a car park internally described as ‘adequate’, confirmed on Tuesday that its…

Tom Ashworth · 30 September 2026
Technology

Landline switch-off: Nine things you’ll need to replace, including the hallway table, the tiny pencil on a string, and the one person who still rings you

The UK’s old analogue phone network is being retired, with households moving over to internet-based calling by January 2027. The handset will…

Sarah Kelsey · 30 September 2026
Space

UK Space Agency Folded Into Government Department, Insists It Still Has Plenty of Space

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The UK Space Agency is delighted to announce that it has been absorbed into the Department for Science, Innovation…

Sarah Kelsey · 29 September 2026
Technology

PRESS RELEASE: New Digital ID Can Confirm You Are Definitely You In Seconds, Provided You Upload A Photo Of Yourself Holding A Photo Of Yourself

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. Cabinet Office Communications Team. We are delighted to announce the next phase of the national digital ID programme. It…

Sarah Kelsey · 29 September 2026
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Most Recent

  • Man Who Just Wanted a Normal Yoghurt Gently Escorted From Chilled Aisle After Failing to Find One With Fewer Than 25g of Protein
  • I Have Eaten 190g of Protein Today and I Can Now Hear Colours: A Column by a Man Holding a Yoghurt He Describes as ‘Basically Steak’
  • Treasury Reminds Electric Car Drivers That 3p-a-Mile Charge Will Also Cover Every Mile Spent Circling a Car Park Looking for a Charger, and ‘Possibly the Ones You Just Imagined’
  • Ransomware Gang Issues Customer Notice Over UK Payment Ban: ‘We Appreciate Your Continued Non-Payment’
  • OPINION: I Spent Five Years Holding This Household Together From the Sofa, and Now They Want Me to Welcome Hybrid Working
  • Nine Ways To Look Casual While Waiting For A Stockholm Phone Call That Is Not Coming: A Guide For Britain’s Overlooked Scientists

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