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Monday, 9 November 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Business

Middle Manager Dreading Six-Month Deadline For Finding Out What New Starter Actually Does

I have been a manager for nineteen years, and in that time I have developed what I like to think of as a light-touch approach to probation. Somebody…

By Tom Ashworth · 9 November 2026
Politics

Treasury Streamlines Budget Process By Ruling Every Possible Tax Rise Both In And Out At Once

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. EMBARGOED UNTIL SUCH TIME AS IT HAS ALREADY BEEN REPORTED. HM Treasury today announced the launch of the Speculation…

Tom Ashworth · 9 November 2026
Food and Drink

Brussels Sprouts Issue Statement Confirming They Now Contain ‘Some Protein’ in Bid to Be Invited Back to Christmas Dinner

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Brussels Sprouts (Small, Green, Round), c/o Every Christmas Dinner in Britain Hello! Yes, it’s us. Please don’t turn the…

James Whitford · 8 November 2026
Health & Beauty

I Have Eaten Only Protein-Enriched Products For A Month And My Biscuit Has Never Felt More Judged

Day one went well. Breakfast was a yoghurt with 25g of protein, a cereal with 20g and a coffee with 15g. By…

Sarah Kelsey · 7 November 2026
Automotive

Revolutionary New ‘Button’ Lets Drivers Turn On Wipers Without Pulling Over, Says Car Firm Hailing Breakthrough Technology

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Norvane Motors today announces the all-new Axiom, the first family hatchback to let the driver switch on the windscreen…

James Whitford · 7 November 2026
Cyber Security

Entire Workforce Passes Phishing Test After Assuming Any Email Offering Them Money Must Be Fake

Staff at Dunmore Consolidated Packaging Solutions, a mid-sized firm in the East Midlands that makes cardboard for other people’s cardboard, achieved a…

Tom Ashworth · 6 November 2026
Animals

Hedgehog’s request to ‘work from home’ until March refused on grounds that three days in the office is ‘the minimum for culture’

A hedgehog employed in the claims processing team at Brackenholt Facilities Group, a mid-sized business services firm on the outskirts of Telford,…

Tom Ashworth · 6 November 2026
Science

‘I Was Only Ever Asking For One Second Of Your Time’: Leap Second Speaks Out As World Votes To Abolish It By 2035

We met at 23:59:60 on the last day of a year to be confirmed. It was the only slot the leap second…

Sarah Kelsey · 5 November 2026
Environment

Local Firm Proud To Announce It Has Gone Fully Greenhushed, Will Not Be Telling Anyone About Its Climate Commitments Ever Again

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Hartley Brennan Group Limited, a mid-sized provider of what its website calls “integrated operational outcomes”, is pleased to announce,…

Tom Ashworth · 4 November 2026
Space

Space ‘Successfully Integrated’ Into Government Department, Now a Very Long Corridor

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The Department for Science, Innovation and Technology today confirmed that space has been successfully integrated. The process took eleven…

Sarah Kelsey · 3 November 2026
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Most Recent

  • Middle Manager Dreading Six-Month Deadline For Finding Out What New Starter Actually Does
  • Treasury Streamlines Budget Process By Ruling Every Possible Tax Rise Both In And Out At Once
  • Brussels Sprouts Issue Statement Confirming They Now Contain ‘Some Protein’ in Bid to Be Invited Back to Christmas Dinner
  • I Have Eaten Only Protein-Enriched Products For A Month And My Biscuit Has Never Felt More Judged
  • Revolutionary New ‘Button’ Lets Drivers Turn On Wipers Without Pulling Over, Says Car Firm Hailing Breakthrough Technology
  • Entire Workforce Passes Phishing Test After Assuming Any Email Offering Them Money Must Be Fake

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