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Wednesday, 16 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

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Technology

British Man Discovers He’s Been Video Calling His Mum Using ‘Beauty Filter’ for Three Years, Now Considered ‘Suspiciously Youthful’

A 34-year-old project manager from Swindon has spent the past three years unknowingly video calling his mother with a beauty filter activated, transforming him into what his family…

By Sarah Kelsey · 16 September 2026
Environment

Britain’s rewilded beavers now unionised, demanding better streams and dental

Beavers reintroduced to British waterways as part of the government’s rewilding initiative have formally unionised and submitted a list of demands to…

Tom Ashworth · 16 September 2026
Technology

Nation’s Developers Admit They’ve Been Googling ‘How to Centre a Div’ for 20 Years

The British Web Development Consortium issued a formal statement this morning acknowledging that the country’s software engineers have been searching for the…

Sarah Kelsey · 13 September 2026
Food and Drink

Britain’s pubs to start charging £2 ‘atmosphere supplement’ for groups who sit in silence staring at phones

The British Beer & Pub Association has announced a £2 per person ‘atmosphere supplement’ to be charged at participating establishments nationwide, effective…

James Whitford · 13 September 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms they’ll get round to updating that critical security patch sometime before Christmas, probably

The IT department at Hargreaves Financial Solutions has reassured staff that the critical security vulnerability identified in their customer database system three…

Tom Ashworth · 11 September 2026
Animals

British hedgehog announces flexible working arrangement with motorway

A hedgehog from the Berkshire area has successfully negotiated a hybrid working arrangement with the M4 motorway, it was confirmed this morning.…

Tom Ashworth · 11 September 2026
Science

Scientists Confirm Universe Expanding Just Fast Enough to Keep Your Ex at a Safe Distance

Physicists at the European Space Agency have announced that new measurements of the cosmic expansion rate suggest the universe is accelerating at…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 September 2026
Environment

UK’s last remaining hedgerow to be replaced with biodiversity offsetting credit stored on server in Slough

The final intact hedgerow in England, a 400-metre stretch of hawthorn and blackthorn along the B4309 near Market Harborough, is to be…

Tom Ashworth · 9 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Bedroom to Use Toilet at Night

A Manchester resident has reported that his smart home ecosystem now prevents him from accessing his bathroom between the hours of 11pm…

Sarah Kelsey · 9 September 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Negotiates with Kitchen to Make Toast

A Manchester man who invested heavily in home automation technology now spends approximately forty minutes each morning mediating between his appliances to…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 September 2026
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Most Recent

  • British Man Discovers He’s Been Video Calling His Mum Using ‘Beauty Filter’ for Three Years, Now Considered ‘Suspiciously Youthful’
  • Britain’s rewilded beavers now unionised, demanding better streams and dental
  • Nation’s Developers Admit They’ve Been Googling ‘How to Centre a Div’ for 20 Years
  • Britain’s pubs to start charging £2 ‘atmosphere supplement’ for groups who sit in silence staring at phones
  • IT department confirms they’ll get round to updating that critical security patch sometime before Christmas, probably
  • British hedgehog announces flexible working arrangement with motorway

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