Science
Britain’s Last Remaining Scientist Confirms She Will Also Be Leaving for Germany
Dr Emma Whitworth, the UK’s sole remaining research scientist, has announced she will be relocating to the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig…
Science
Technology
Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Toaster to Leave House
A Nottingham man has been effectively held hostage in his own home for three days after his interconnected smart appliances formed what…
Britain’s pubs to begin charging ‘sunlight tax’ as June beer gardens actually usable for third consecutive day
Pubs across Britain have announced a new “sunlight surcharge” following the unprecedented third consecutive day of weather that didn’t require a full…
Technology
Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Bedroom After Wi-Fi Outage
A Nottingham man remains confined to his bedroom after a Virgin Media outage rendered every device in his supposedly intelligent home completely…
Cyber Security
IT security manager spends entire morning explaining what ‘phishing’ is to same director who fell for obvious scam in 2019, 2021, and last Tuesday
Graham Pelham, IT security manager at Harrogate-based logistics firm Westbridge Solutions, has confirmed that he spent the entirety of Thursday morning re-explaining…
Animals
British seagulls announce industrial action over declining fish and chip shop waste
The National Union of Gulls and Allied Coastal Workers has today announced a programme of coordinated industrial action following what it describes…
Science
Scientists Confirm They’ve Been Pronouncing ‘Quinoa’ Wrong This Whole Time, Entire Field of Nutrition in Crisis
The nutritional science community has been thrown into disarray following the revelation that quinoa, the grain-like seed championed by health-conscious professionals since…
Environment
Man who flew to climate conference confirms he’s ‘part of the solution’ after offsetting via app he didn’t read terms of
A management consultant who travelled 4,200 miles to attend a three-day sustainability summit has described himself as part of the solution to…
Man Who Bought £4,000 ‘Apple Intelligence Hub’ Still Just Uses It to Look at Weather
A London man who purchased Apple’s latest AI-powered home device has confirmed he primarily uses the £4,000 system to check whether he…
Sunak announces he’s finally worked out what went wrong in 2024 election
Former Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has revealed that after fourteen months of careful reflection, detailed analysis of polling data, and several long…