Animals
British hedgehogs announce aggressive merger with rival slug population
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Hedgehog UK Limited, the nation’s leading nocturnal insectivore, has today announced its intention to acquire the entirety of the…
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Animals
Animals
Animals
British hedgehog announces flexible working arrangement with motorway
A hedgehog from the Berkshire area has successfully negotiated a hybrid working arrangement with the M4 motorway, it was confirmed this morning.…
Animals
Britain’s guide dogs demand hybrid working arrangements after noticing owners doing emails in pyjamas
The National Association of Assistance Dogs has submitted a formal proposal to the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association requesting a three-day…
Animals
British seagulls announce £12.50 per chip ‘dynamic pricing’ model during peak tourist season
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE SKEGNESS, 14 March 2024 Seagulls UK Limited, the nation’s leading coastal food redistribution service, today announced the implementation of…
Animals
Britain’s cats announce redundancy consultation after realising they’ve been doing unpaid pest control for centuries
The National Union of Domestic Felines has today issued a formal notice of dispute to approximately 10.9 million UK households, citing what…
Animals
British seagulls announce plans to diversify revenue streams beyond chips
Representatives from the UK Coastal Gull Consortium announced this morning that the nation’s seagulls will be pursuing a comprehensive business restructure following…
Animals
British seagulls demand workplace pension contributions after 40 years stealing chips
A coalition of coastal seagulls has filed a collective grievance with the Department for Work and Pensions, arguing that four decades of…
Animals
Urban foxes announce they’ll be working from home permanently following trial period
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Britain’s urban fox population has announced that it will be making remote working arrangements permanent following a successful three-year…
Seagulls announce formal merger with Just Eat following successful eighteen-month trial period
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Just Eat Takeaway.com and the United Gull Collective announced today a strategic merger that will see Britain’s seagull population…
Animals
Squirrel submits flexible working request to accommodate winter nut-burying schedule
A grey squirrel employed in the grounds maintenance sector has formally requested a shift to flexible working hours in order to fulfil…