Scientists Confirm They’ve Been Mispronouncing ‘Oumuamua’ for Seven Years, Still Not Sure What It Was
A team of astronomers has admitted that the interstellar object that passed through our solar system in 2017 has been incorrectly pronounced…
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Science
Science
UK Space Agency Confirms Mars Rover Has Developed Intense Rivalry with Nearby Rock
The UK Space Agency has confirmed that its £287 million Mars rover, Perseverance II, has spent the last eleven days locked in…
Nation’s Physicists Confirm They Also Have No Idea What That Smell in the Lab Is
Britain’s leading quantum physicists have admitted that despite possessing equipment capable of detecting individual photons, they remain completely unable to identify the…
Science
Britain’s Last Functioning Particle Accelerator Now Being Used to Heat Kettle in CERN Canteen
The UK’s remaining operational particle accelerator has been relocated to a staffroom in Geneva, where it currently provides hot water for CERN…
Science
Britain’s Last Remaining Scientists Huddle Together for Warmth in Underfunded Laboratory
The final cohort of British scientists still conducting research on British soil have been observed gathering around a single Bunsen burner in…
Science
Britain’s last remaining quantum physicist admits he still doesn’t understand quantum physics either
Professor Michael Hendry, the sole quantum physicist left in Britain after the others emigrated or retrained as plumbers, has admitted he hasn’t…
Science
Britain’s Last Remaining Scientist Confirms She Will Also Be Leaving for Germany
Dr Emma Whitworth, the UK’s sole remaining research scientist, has announced she will be relocating to the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig…
Science
Scientists Confirm They’ve Been Pronouncing ‘Quinoa’ Wrong This Whole Time, Entire Field of Nutrition in Crisis
The nutritional science community has been thrown into disarray following the revelation that quinoa, the grain-like seed championed by health-conscious professionals since…
Science
British Scientists Discover New Particle That Explains Why Toast Always Lands Butter-Side Down
Researchers at the Institute for Applied Breakfast Physics in Swindon have identified a previously unknown subatomic particle that they claim is responsible…
Britain’s quantum computer solves complex equation, immediately uses answer to calculate when its grant funding will run out
A quantum computer at the University of Southampton has successfully solved a mathematical problem that would take conventional machines thousands of years…