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Wednesday, 5 August 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Politics

Starmer announces new ministerial position of Chief Excuse Officer following fourth policy U-turn this month

The government has confirmed the creation of a dedicated Cabinet-level position to manage the increasingly complex process of explaining why policies announced…

Tom Ashworth · 11 May 2026
Food and Drink

Wetherspoons to start serving ‘artisanal’ £8.50 pints after accidentally hiring someone with a beard

The nation’s largest purveyor of £2.49 pints and carpets that tell stories nobody wants to hear has announced a dramatic shift in…

James Whitford · 10 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £3,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Spends Most Evenings Apologising to Appliances

A Manchester resident has confirmed that his investment in home automation technology has successfully transformed his three-bedroom semi into a place where…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 May 2026
Science

British Scientist Discovers New Species of Mould in Office Mug, Applies for £2.3m Research Grant

A microbiologist at the University of Sussex has identified a previously unknown species of fungus in a coffee mug she forgot about…

Sarah Kelsey · 7 May 2026
Environment

UK’s new carbon capture plant successfully stores 12 tonnes of CO2 after three years, equivalent to what was emitted building it

The country’s flagship carbon capture and storage facility has reached a significant milestone, having successfully sequestered precisely as much carbon dioxide as…

Tom Ashworth · 6 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £899 on ‘Repairable’ Phone Now Has Collection of Tiny Screws He’ll Never Use Again

Tom Hargreaves, 34, has confirmed that his ethically sourced, modular smartphone is technically still under warranty, though he voided it somewhere around…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 May 2026
Politics

Starmer announces new ministerial post of Secretary of State for Saying It’s All The Last Lot’s Fault

The Prime Minister has confirmed the creation of a dedicated Cabinet-level position responsible for attributing all current difficulties to the previous administration,…

Tom Ashworth · 4 May 2026
Food and Drink

Waitrose confirms new ‘Essential’ range will still cost more than your actual essentials

Waitrose has unveiled its reimagined Essential range this week, promising to deliver affordable basics to families across the UK, provided those families…

James Whitford · 3 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Still Has to Get Up to Turn Bedroom Light Off

A Bristol man who has invested £2,400 in smart home technology over the past eighteen months continues to physically walk to his…

Sarah Kelsey · 3 May 2026
Cyber Security

IT department celebrates three-year anniversary of meaning to implement that two-factor authentication thing

The IT department at Midlands-based logistics firm Hargreaves Distribution marked a significant milestone this week, observing three full years since the team…

Tom Ashworth · 1 May 2026
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