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Wednesday, 4 November 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Food and Drink

Costa introduces ‘Milk Alternatives Sommelier’ after customer spends 45 minutes choosing between oat options

A Costa Coffee in Clapham has become the first UK branch to employ a full-time Milk Alternatives Sommelier following an incident last…

James Whitford · 9 August 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms they’ve moved the phishing awareness training email to junk folder

The IT security team at Meridian Financial Services has quietly acknowledged that this month’s mandatory phishing awareness training email has been automatically…

Tom Ashworth · 7 August 2026
Animals

Britain’s cats announce redundancy consultation after realising they’ve been doing unpaid pest control for centuries

The National Union of Domestic Felines has today issued a formal notice of dispute to approximately 10.9 million UK households, citing what…

Tom Ashworth · 7 August 2026
Science

Scientists Discover Third Type of Person Who Brings Up Their Gut Microbiome Within 90 Seconds of Meeting You

Researchers at the Institute for Social Taxonomy have identified a previously undocumented category of individual who cannot sustain basic conversation without mentioning…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 August 2026
Environment

UK’s last remaining countryside confirmed as ‘ideal location for solar farm and battery storage facility’

Energy company Meridian Power Solutions has identified a 47-acre plot of unspoilt countryside in North Yorkshire as the perfect site for a…

Tom Ashworth · 5 August 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Spends 18 Hours Weekly Troubleshooting Them

A Nottingham man who invested £2,400 in smart home technology to save time now dedicates 18 hours per week to preventing his…

Sarah Kelsey · 5 August 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Permission from Kettle to Make Tea

A Bristol man has reported that he can no longer boil water without first resolving a firmware conflict between his kettle and…

Sarah Kelsey · 2 August 2026
Food and Drink

Britain’s last remaining Toby Carvery to rebrand as Mediterranean small plates restaurant

The nation’s final Toby Carvery, located in a retail park outside Swindon, has announced it will close its doors forever this month…

James Whitford · 2 August 2026
Cyber Security

Company’s new ‘Zero Trust’ security policy extends to doubting whether Kevin from accounts actually needs to eat lunch

A Manchester-based financial services firm has taken its implementation of Zero Trust security architecture to what IT consultants are describing as its…

Tom Ashworth · 31 July 2026
Animals

British seagulls announce plans to diversify revenue streams beyond chips

Representatives from the UK Coastal Gull Consortium announced this morning that the nation’s seagulls will be pursuing a comprehensive business restructure following…

Tom Ashworth · 31 July 2026
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