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Saturday, 19 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Technology

Man Who Spent £47,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Unable to Turn on Kitchen Light Without Three Apps and a Blood Sacrifice

A Berkshire man has reportedly been living in partial darkness for six weeks after his integrated smart home system became too complex…

Sarah Kelsey · 17 May 2026
Cyber Security

Nation’s IT departments to spend Bank Holiday Monday convincing colleagues that ‘Password123!’ is not, in fact, a strong password

IT security teams across Britain are preparing to sacrifice their Bank Holiday Monday to the ancient and thoroughly unwinnable battle of explaining…

Tom Ashworth · 15 May 2026
Animals

Squirrels vote to accept three-day week in exchange for guaranteed nut pension

The National Union of Grey Squirrels has announced that 73 per cent of its membership voted in favour of reducing the working…

Tom Ashworth · 15 May 2026
Science

Scientists Confirm British Public Will Believe Absolutely Anything If You Put ‘Gut Microbiome’ In The Headline

Researchers at Imperial College London have concluded a three-month study demonstrating that the British public will purchase and consume virtually any substance…

Sarah Kelsey · 14 May 2026
Environment

British man who installed heat pump in 2023 finally stops mentioning it in every conversation

A Derbyshire man who installed an air source heat pump eighteen months ago has reportedly gone an entire weekend without bringing it…

Tom Ashworth · 13 May 2026
Technology

British Smart Fridge Manufacturers Admit They Don’t Know What Happens After You Buy One Either

ChillTech Solutions, a Milton Keynes-based manufacturer of internet-connected refrigeration units, has confirmed that the company maintains no records, interest, or indeed awareness…

Sarah Kelsey · 13 May 2026
Politics

Starmer announces new ministerial position of Chief Excuse Officer following fourth policy U-turn this month

The government has confirmed the creation of a dedicated Cabinet-level position to manage the increasingly complex process of explaining why policies announced…

Tom Ashworth · 11 May 2026
Food and Drink

Wetherspoons to start serving ‘artisanal’ £8.50 pints after accidentally hiring someone with a beard

The nation’s largest purveyor of £2.49 pints and carpets that tell stories nobody wants to hear has announced a dramatic shift in…

James Whitford · 10 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £3,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Spends Most Evenings Apologising to Appliances

A Manchester resident has confirmed that his investment in home automation technology has successfully transformed his three-bedroom semi into a place where…

Sarah Kelsey · 10 May 2026
Science

British Scientist Discovers New Species of Mould in Office Mug, Applies for £2.3m Research Grant

A microbiologist at the University of Sussex has identified a previously unknown species of fungus in a coffee mug she forgot about…

Sarah Kelsey · 7 May 2026
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