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Wednesday, 5 August 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Technology

Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Requires Three Tablets and a Degree in Computer Science to Turn on Kitchen Lights

A Nottingham man has revealed that his journey towards a fully automated home has instead resulted in a domestic environment that requires…

Sarah Kelsey · 19 April 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms they definitely won’t mention that breach from 2024 unless specifically asked

The information security team at Sentinel Financial Services has issued a carefully worded internal memo confirming that last year’s data breach, which…

Tom Ashworth · 17 April 2026
Animals

British wasps announce industrial action over ‘unsustainable’ jam consumption expectations

The National Union of Hymenoptera (NUH) has today announced that its wasp members will begin an indefinite work-to-rule from Monday 4th August,…

Tom Ashworth · 17 April 2026
Science

Britain’s Nuclear Fusion Reactor Achieves Breakthrough After Scientists Remember to Plug It In Properly

The UK’s flagship fusion energy project has achieved a significant milestone this week after researchers at the Culham Centre for Fusion Energy…

Sarah Kelsey · 16 April 2026
Environment

Britain’s recycling bins to be fitted with CCTV after government admits it has no idea what happens to plastic after collection

The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has announced that all household recycling bins across England will be fitted with surveillance…

Tom Ashworth · 15 April 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £89 on ‘Smart’ Bin Now Receives Passive-Aggressive Notifications About His Lifestyle Choices

A Manchester man is being subjected to daily wellness advice from his own rubbish bin after connecting it to an app he…

Sarah Kelsey · 15 April 2026
Politics

Starmer announces new taskforce to determine what a taskforce actually does

The Prime Minister has established a sixteen-member taskforce charged with determining the precise function, scope, and deliverables of governmental taskforces, following what…

Tom Ashworth · 13 April 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms password must now include at least three extinct species and a reference to Leviticus

Employees at Midlands-based insurance firm Steadfast Solutions were informed on Monday that the company’s password requirements have been updated to include mandatory…

Tom Ashworth · 10 April 2026
Animals

Britain’s squirrels to be reclassified as ‘economically inactive’ in new ONS figures

The Office for National Statistics has confirmed that approximately 2.7 million squirrels across England, Scotland and Wales will be reclassified as economically…

Tom Ashworth · 10 April 2026
Science

UK’s Last Remaining Physics PhD Student Officially Declared National Treasure

The Department for Science, Innovation and Technology has granted Grade I listed status to Thomas Whitmore, 26, the only person currently enrolled…

Sarah Kelsey · 9 April 2026
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