FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Grommet Motors is delighted, and frankly a little shaken, to announce that the physical button, long believed buried under a 15-inch touchscreen and seven layers of sub-menus, has clawed its way back into the cabin of every new Grommet from next spring. Residents of the dashboard report hearing a faint, ghostly click.
The button was last seen in the early 2010s, shortly before somebody in a meeting said, “What if the heated seats had a settings page?” It has since spent years in the dark, patiently waiting for a driver to stab at a glass rectangle while doing 70 on the A14. Now it is back, and it has brought friends: indicators, hazard lights, wipers, horn and an SOS function, all within reach and all pressable.
Revolutionary Tactile Input Technology
Grommet engineers have spent four years developing what the company proudly calls “revolutionary tactile input technology”. It is a button. You push it, and a thing happens. Early testers described the experience as “like a touchscreen, but you can find it without looking”, and one said, in tears, “It went click.”
The return follows Euro NCAP’s 2026 safety protocols, which reward cars that keep physical controls for essentials. As the UK market follows Euro NCAP ratings closely, Grommet read the guidance very carefully, twice: once on a screen, where it failed to load, and once on paper.
“We want to stress that the button is friendly,” said Helen Marsden, Grommet’s Chief Tactile Officer. “It has been dead since roughly 2018 and has been remarkably gracious about it. It just wants to turn your wipers on.”
Fourteen Simple Steps
Recognising that some customers may have forgotten how buttons work, every new Grommet will include a 14-step tutorial. Step one is “Locate the button.” Step two is “Acknowledge the button.” Steps three to thirteen cover posture, confidence and what to do if the button is, as one slide puts it, “looking at you.” Step fourteen reads “Press the button,” followed by a pop-up asking you to rate your experience out of five.
The tutorial replaces the previous system, in which switching on the wipers prompted the message: “Are you sure you want to turn on the wipers?” with options for “Yes” and “Remind me later”. Grommet confirms that “Remind me later” was never once chosen by a driver in a downpour on the M62, though it was chosen by the driver’s passenger, who was laughing.
“Customers told us they wanted to indicate without going to Vehicle, then Exterior, then Lighting, then Advanced, then wondering why they’d come,” said Dr Alan Pritchard, Grommet’s Head of Human Interaction. “We listened. Admittedly it took a while, and a European safety body.”
Approved By Committee
In the interests of transparency, Grommet wishes to note that this press release was approved by a committee of eleven senior executives, several of whom still cannot find the demister in the menu. They have been looking since Tuesday. The windscreen is described internally as “atmospheric”, and one director has taken to wiping it with his tie.
Asked whether the committee would like to try the new demister button, Marsden said it was “right there, next to the other one, and it has a little picture of a window on it”. The committee asked her to send it as a calendar invite.
Available This Halloween, Probably
The first button-equipped Grommets will arrive at dealerships just as the nights draw in, which Grommet insists is a coincidence and not at all a seasonal marketing opportunity. Customers are advised to approach with an open mind and a clear index finger. Anyone who has forgotten how to use a button should not panic; the tutorial is 14 steps, and the button is very patient.
It may be small, it may be square, and it may have been underground for the best part of a decade, but for anyone who has forgotten how to use one, the physical button is a real touch of horror.
