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Saturday, 20 June 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Animals

Sniffer dog at Heathrow requests transfer to baggage handling after detecting owner’s affair in luggage

A three-year-old springer spaniel employed in Heathrow’s security operations has formally requested a transfer to baggage handling after what colleagues describe as…

Tom Ashworth · 29 May 2026
Automotive

Nation’s electric car owners celebrate fifth anniversary of still not knowing which rapid charger will actually work today

Electric vehicle drivers across Britain are today marking a half-decade of absolute chaos, commemorating five full years of downloading apps they’ll use…

James Whitford · 28 May 2026
Science

British Scientists Discover New Particle That Explains Why Toast Always Lands Butter-Side Down

Researchers at the Institute for Applied Breakfast Physics in Swindon have identified a previously unknown subatomic particle that they claim is responsible…

Sarah Kelsey · 28 May 2026
Cyber Security

IT director who ignored seventeen password reset emails faces mandatory cybersecurity awareness training

Martin Hendricks, Director of Information Technology at Cobham Financial Services, has been enrolled on a compulsory cybersecurity awareness course after his account…

Tom Ashworth · 28 May 2026
Animals

British hedgehog demands Right to Work impact assessment before accepting garden slug job

A hedgehog discovered in a Basingstoke garden has refused to commence slug control duties until the Home Office provides written confirmation that…

Tom Ashworth · 28 May 2026
Politics

Government creates new Department for Departments to oversee all the other departments created to oversee departments

The Cabinet Office has announced the formation of a Department for Departmental Oversight, a new body tasked with monitoring the performance of…

Tom Ashworth · 28 May 2026
Business

British CEO completes first full financial quarter without once saying ‘double down’

Martin Fletcher, chief executive of Mid-Counties Logistics Solutions, has successfully navigated an entire thirteen-week financial quarter without using the phrase ‘double down’,…

Tom Ashworth · 28 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £899 on Vision Pro Now Spending Additional £40 Monthly Explaining Why He Spent £899 on Vision Pro

A Manchester software developer has calculated that he is now spending approximately £40 per month in coffee shop bills explaining to people…

Sarah Kelsey · 28 May 2026
Science

Britain’s quantum computer solves complex equation, immediately uses answer to calculate when its grant funding will run out

A quantum computer at the University of Southampton has successfully solved a mathematical problem that would take conventional machines thousands of years…

Sarah Kelsey · 28 May 2026
Environment

UK’s last remaining ancient wildflower meadow to become sustainable wildflower meadow car park

Developers have been granted permission to transform the country’s final surviving ancient wildflower meadow into a 340-space car park featuring what they…

Tom Ashworth · 27 May 2026
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