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Tuesday, 3 November 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Business

‘I Haven’t Been Noticed Since 2014 and I’m Calling It Job Hugging’: A Column by a Man Who Has Not Updated His LinkedIn Since the Coalition

There is a word for what I have been doing since the spring of 2014, and I am pleased to learn that…

Tom Ashworth · 19 October 2026
Politics

Treasury Issues Statement Ruling Out Every Tax Rise Until Budget Day, When It Will Be Ruled Back In

HM TREASURY PRESS NOTICE For release: immediately, although most of it has been available since the second week of September. HM Treasury…

Tom Ashworth · 19 October 2026
Food and Drink

Digestive Biscuit Announces It Is Now ‘High Protein’ After Seeing What Everything Else Is Up To

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. ISSUED FROM THE BISCUIT TIN, SECOND SHELF, BEHIND THE GOOD MUGS. A digestive biscuit has today announced that it…

James Whitford · 18 October 2026
Health & Beauty

‘I Had One Job, and It Was Biscuits’: Voice in Man’s Head Gives Exit Interview After 41 Years of Food Noise

The voice in Martin Hollis’s head has spent 41 years on a single brief. It agreed to speak to us from a…

Sarah Kelsey · 17 October 2026
Automotive

Opinion: After Six Years and Four Submenus, I Have Finally Found the Demister, and I Would Like to Thank My Family, My Faith and a Forum Post From 2021

I am writing this with a perfectly clear windscreen. I would like that on the record, because for six years I could…

James Whitford · 17 October 2026
Cyber Security

Staff who clicked fake pay rise email to be sent on mandatory course explaining why they are not getting a pay rise

Two hundred and fourteen employees of Dunmore Gribble Integrated Solutions, a mid-sized facilities and document management firm in Telford, have been told…

Tom Ashworth · 16 October 2026
Animals

Office Dog Who Has Never Missed a Day Since 2018 Would Like a Word With Anyone Who Has Tried ‘Coffee Badging’

I have been asked to keep this short, which is reasonable, as I am a Labrador and the deadline falls close to…

Tom Ashworth · 16 October 2026
Science

‘I’ve Built a Flood Defence in One Night and Now They Want a Planning Application,’ Says Beaver in Exclusive Interview

The beaver meets me on the bank of a swollen tributary in the Cotswolds, wearing a lanyard made of bark. It says…

Sarah Kelsey · 15 October 2026
Environment

Local Firm Reaffirms Unwavering Commitment To Net Zero By Declining To Say The Words Out Loud

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, ALTHOUGH WE WOULD PREFER IT WASN’T Fenwick-Trundle Logistics Solutions Group today reaffirmed its unwavering commitment to reaching net zero,…

Tom Ashworth · 14 October 2026
Business

Man who hates his job but is too frightened to leave recorded by HR as ‘highly engaged’

Martin Hollis, a Senior Reconciliation Analyst at Brindlesworth & Pinch Logistical Solutions, was described in an all-staff email on Monday as ‘a…

Tom Ashworth · 12 October 2026
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