Treasury Confirms Budget Speculation Now Longer Than Budget, Offers to Hold Actual Announcement as Optional Epilogue
HM TREASURY PRESS NOTICE. For release at a time to be briefed in advance to selected Sunday newspapers. HM Treasury today confirmed…
Food and Drink
OPINION: I’ve Put Protein In Everything I Own And I’m Now Technically A Gym, Says Man
I would like to begin by saying that I am not a gym person. I have a gym membership, which is different.…
Nine Things That Now Come With Added Protein, Ranked By How Much They Resent It
Britain has decided that protein is the only nutrient that matters. Fibre has been quietly moved to a smaller font. Supermarkets have…
Carmaker Thrilled To Announce Groundbreaking Wiper Technology Called ‘A Switch’
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Thistlewick Motors today unveils the most significant advance in windscreen management since, well, the windscreen wiper. Introducing the TactiWipe™…
Cyber Security
IT Department Delighted As 100% Of Staff Now Report Every Email As Phishing, Including Its Own Cyber Security Awareness Month Reminders
FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION. Norbury Sprocket & Fitting Group, Reading. The IT Service Desk at Norbury Sprocket & Fitting Group is pleased to…
Animals
‘Job Hugging’ Is Nothing New, Says Tortoise Who Has Been in Same Role at Garden Centre Since 1974
Colin is the resident tortoise at a garden centre on the edge of a Midlands town. He has held the post since…
Science
‘I Said \”Fascinating\” and Looked at the Ceiling’: Man Who Has Bluffed Through Every Nobel Science Announcement Since 1987 Finally Cornered by Colleague
Graham Pettifer, 58, is a Senior Category Buyer at a mid-sized logistics firm in Reading. He has sat through thirty-eight Nobel announcements…
I Was Off Sick the Day They Asked for Volunteers, and Now I Will Never Be Free
I had a chest infection on the Tuesday. I mention this not as an excuse but as evidence, because it is the…
Space
UK Space Agency Completes Merger Into Whitehall Department, Immediately Told It Can’t Book The Big Meeting Room Until November
PRESS RELEASE. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, subject to sign-off, which is expected in Q3. The UK Space Agency is delighted to announce that…
Business
Man Who Hates His Job Holds It Tighter After Reading One Article About the Job Market
Keith Warrender, 51, has held the same role for eleven years, a position he describes as “fine” in the tone most people…