Animals
British seagulls demand workplace pension contributions after 40 years stealing chips
A coalition of coastal seagulls has filed a collective grievance with the Department for Work and Pensions, arguing that four decades of…
Animals
British company spends £2.3m on cybersecurity, still clicks ‘Accept All Cookies’ on every website
A Manchester-based logistics firm that recently completed a £2.3 million cybersecurity overhaul has confirmed it continues to click ‘Accept All Cookies’ on…
Science
UK Space Agency Confirms Mars Rover Has Developed Intense Rivalry with Nearby Rock
The UK Space Agency has confirmed that its £287 million Mars rover, Perseverance II, has spent the last eleven days locked in…
Food and Drink
Britain’s beer gardens to remain empty until 2027 as nation waits for warm day that doesn’t clash with existing plans
The UK’s 40,000 beer gardens are expected to sit largely vacant for the next three years after meteorologists confirmed that every forecast…
IT department confirms they’ve been ignoring that critical security update email for ‘nearly eight months now’
The IT department at Henderson & Wright Logistics has confirmed that a critical security patch flagged as ‘urgent’ by their software vendor…
Animals
Urban foxes announce they’ll be working from home permanently following trial period
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Britain’s urban fox population has announced that it will be making remote working arrangements permanent following a successful three-year…
Nation’s Physicists Confirm They Also Have No Idea What That Smell in the Lab Is
Britain’s leading quantum physicists have admitted that despite possessing equipment capable of detecting individual photons, they remain completely unable to identify the…
Environment
Britain’s rewilding projects now just abandoned garden centres with feral staff
Conservation groups have admitted that a significant number of the UK’s flagship rewilding sites have become functionally indistinguishable from garden centres that…
Technology
Man Who Spent £8,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Bathroom After Router Update
A Manchester resident has been confined to his bathroom for six hours after a routine router firmware update rendered every smart device…
Technology
Man Who Spent £3,400 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Kitchen Until Alexa Stops Sulking
A Bromley man remains confined to his kitchen for a third consecutive day after his smart home ecosystem entered what he describes…