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Saturday, 19 September 2026 Vol. I · 2026

MADE UP NEWS

Britain’s sharpest satirical news

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Environment

UK’s new carbon capture plant successfully stores 12 tonnes of CO2 after three years, equivalent to what was emitted building it

The country’s flagship carbon capture and storage facility has reached a significant milestone, having successfully sequestered precisely as much carbon dioxide as…

Tom Ashworth · 6 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £899 on ‘Repairable’ Phone Now Has Collection of Tiny Screws He’ll Never Use Again

Tom Hargreaves, 34, has confirmed that his ethically sourced, modular smartphone is technically still under warranty, though he voided it somewhere around…

Sarah Kelsey · 6 May 2026
Politics

Starmer announces new ministerial post of Secretary of State for Saying It’s All The Last Lot’s Fault

The Prime Minister has confirmed the creation of a dedicated Cabinet-level position responsible for attributing all current difficulties to the previous administration,…

Tom Ashworth · 4 May 2026
Food and Drink

Waitrose confirms new ‘Essential’ range will still cost more than your actual essentials

Waitrose has unveiled its reimagined Essential range this week, promising to deliver affordable basics to families across the UK, provided those families…

James Whitford · 3 May 2026
Technology

Man Who Spent £2,400 on Smart Home Devices Still Has to Get Up to Turn Bedroom Light Off

A Bristol man who has invested £2,400 in smart home technology over the past eighteen months continues to physically walk to his…

Sarah Kelsey · 3 May 2026
Cyber Security

IT department celebrates three-year anniversary of meaning to implement that two-factor authentication thing

The IT department at Midlands-based logistics firm Hargreaves Distribution marked a significant milestone this week, observing three full years since the team…

Tom Ashworth · 1 May 2026
Animals

Urban fox completes rigorous ISO 27001 certification to legally access neighbourhood wheelie bins

A fox operating in the Wandsworth area has become the first member of its species to achieve full ISO 27001 accreditation, bringing…

Tom Ashworth · 1 May 2026
Cyber Security

IT department confirms they’ve been ignoring critical security update email for six months because ‘it looked a bit phishy’

The IT department at Middlesbrough-based logistics firm Hartwell Distribution has spent half a year diligently deleting emails about a critical server vulnerability,…

Tom Ashworth · 24 April 2026
Animals

Edinburgh Zoo penguins demand hybrid working after discovering three years of unnecessary commuting to enclosure

A colony of king penguins at Edinburgh Zoo has formally requested hybrid working arrangements after realising they have been waddling to their…

Tom Ashworth · 24 April 2026
Science

Scientists Confirm British Weather Now Officially ‘Taking the Piss’

The Met Office has published a paper concluding that UK weather patterns have moved beyond statistical anomaly into what researchers are calling…

Sarah Kelsey · 23 April 2026
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