Business
British worker who checked email on holiday now legally considered to have never left office
A marketing coordinator from Swindon has been informed that her two-week holiday to the Algarve will not count towards her annual leave…
Business
British worker discovers they’ve been attending meetings that could have been emails for 847 consecutive days
A project coordinator from Swindon has completed a comprehensive analysis revealing that every single meeting she has attended since returning to the…
Manchester firm’s entire cybersecurity budget spent on posters reminding staff not to click suspicious links
A Manchester-based financial services company has confirmed that its complete annual cybersecurity budget of £8,400 was allocated to producing laminated posters asking…
British seagulls demand union recognition after 18-month dispute over chip access rights
The National Union of Coastal Gulls has formally requested recognition from the Trades Union Congress following an eighteen-month dispute over what it…
Britain’s rewilded beavers formally request relocation to Scotland after accidentally visiting Slough
A colony of Eurasian beavers released into the River Thames watershed as part of Natural England’s rewilding initiative has submitted formal relocation…
Man Who Leaves Engine Running on School Run Excited to Finally Do His Bit by Switching to Bamboo Toilet Paper
A father of two who idles his 2.3-tonne Range Rover Sport outside the school gates for approximately forty minutes each weekday has…
Nation’s SUV drivers promise to offset carbon footprint by feeling quite guilty about it
Britain’s ever-growing fleet of SUV owners have collectively pledged to counterbalance their vehicles’ environmental impact through a rigorous programme of intermittent remorse…
Environment
Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued
The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has announced that all household recycling bins across England will be renamed ‘aspiration repositories’…
Environment
Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys
An investigation by this publication has found that approximately seventy per cent of Britain’s carbon offset projects consist of men in hi-vis…
Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full
A Manchester resident who has attended stag weekends in Prague, Budapest and Kraków since February is struggling to understand why his household…