Waitrose has unveiled its reimagined Essential range this week, promising to deliver affordable basics to families across the UK, provided those families consider £4.50 for a tin of chickpeas a reasonable down payment on dinner.

The upmarket supermarket, which has long occupied the sweet spot between ‘doing the weekly shop’ and ‘applying for a second mortgage’, insists the new line will make quality food accessible to everyone. And they mean everyone. Everyone with a Waitrose within reasonable driving distance, anyway, which immediately narrows it down to people who own cars and live in the nice bits.

The range includes all the essentials modern Britain cannot live without. Organic sourdough starter. Heritage tomatoes with a full family tree. Chickpeas that have been gently encouraged rather than farmed. One tin of chopped tomatoes costs £2.20, which is essential if you consider the emotional value of knowing your tomatoes had quite a nice time before they were chopped.

Jennifer Matthews, a product buyer for Waitrose, explained the thinking behind the rebrand. “We’ve listened to our customers who told us they wanted affordable, everyday items without compromising on quality or their ability to feel slightly superior in the checkout queue. This range delivers exactly that.”

The Essential label will now appear on over 300 products, though the term is being used in its loosest possible sense. Essential like a good quality olive oil is essential. Not essential like heating or childcare, which would be ridiculous things to compare to a lovely focaccia.

Early feedback suggests customers are embracing the range with the same enthusiasm they bring to explaining their Ocado delivery slots. “I think it’s marvellous that Waitrose is finally thinking about ordinary people,” said David Stephens, a management consultant from Godalming who was buying Essential range parmesan at £6.80 for 200g. “I mean, we’re not all made of money. Some of us only have one holiday home.”

The move comes as supermarkets across Britain attempt to reassure shoppers that food poverty is being taken seriously, mainly by creating ranges with names like Essential, Basics, and We Promise This Is Cheap Even Though The Price Tag Suggests Otherwise.

Tesco has Clubcard Prices. Sainsbury’s has Aldi Price Match. Waitrose has a range called Essential that costs the same as three months of Netflix, but the pasta is organic and the packaging makes you feel like you’ve got your life together.

A Waitrose spokesperson confirmed that the Essential range would sit alongside their premium lines, so customers could still buy a £15 jar of honey if the £4.50 Essential honey felt a bit working class. “We’re committed to offering choice,” they added, which is easy to do when your customer base considers ‘choosing between heating and eating’ to mean deciding whether to have the oven on or enjoy a lovely cold gazpacho.

By James Whitford

James joined Made Up News straight out of university, where he studied journalism at Cardiff and graduated with a dissertation on the cultural impact of the football transfer window. He is the youngest member of the team and the only one who knows what TikTok is. He once went viral for a tweet about Greggs and has been dining out on it ever since, figuratively speaking. He cannot afford to dine out literally.

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