Seagulls announce formal merger with Just Eat following successful eighteen-month trial period
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Just Eat Takeaway.com and the United Gull Collective announced today a strategic merger that will see Britain’s seagull population…
Environment
Britain’s last remaining environmental officer discovers job now entirely admin for planning applications he’ll be overruled on
Martin Heswell sits in what was once the Environmental Protection Department at Brackley District Council, a title still visible on the door…
Man who uses ‘Password123’ for everything claims he’s ‘not important enough to hack’
Martin Eccleston, 47, a logistics coordinator for a medium-sized packaging distributor in Slough, has spent the past eleven years using variations of…
Animals
Squirrel submits flexible working request to accommodate winter nut-burying schedule
A grey squirrel employed in the grounds maintenance sector has formally requested a shift to flexible working hours in order to fulfil…
Environment
Britain’s rewilding projects now just ‘slightly less tidy bits of National Trust car parks’
A comprehensive survey of Britain’s rewilding initiatives has confirmed that the overwhelming majority now consist of approximately forty square metres of unmown…
Environment
British Gas customer discovers heating bill would be cheaper if he just set fire to the North Sea
A chartered accountant from Stevenage has concluded, after what he describes as an entirely reasonable Saturday afternoon with a spreadsheet, that it…
Cyber Security
IT security manager who ignored 847 password reset emails suddenly very interested in cybersecurity after own Netflix account compromised
A senior IT security manager who has routinely deleted password reset reminders since 2019 has discovered a renewed passion for digital safety…
Animals
British dogs now spending 47% of walk time waiting while owner photographs them for LinkedIn post about resilience
Dogs in the United Kingdom are now spending an average of 47 per cent of their designated exercise time sitting motionless on…
Cyber Security
IT security manager spends entire morning explaining what ‘phishing’ is to same director who fell for obvious scam in 2019, 2021, and last Tuesday
Graham Pelham, IT security manager at Harrogate-based logistics firm Westbridge Solutions, has confirmed that he spent the entirety of Thursday morning re-explaining…
Animals
British seagulls announce industrial action over declining fish and chip shop waste
The National Union of Gulls and Allied Coastal Workers has today announced a programme of coordinated industrial action following what it describes…