A Berkshire man has reportedly been living in partial darkness for six weeks after his integrated smart home system became too complex for human operation.
James Whitmore, 42, began his journey into home automation in 2019 with a single smart bulb. He now owns 247 connected devices spanning fourteen incompatible ecosystems. Turning on his kitchen light requires opening three separate apps, resetting his router, and performing what he describes as “a specific sequence of taps that would make a safecracker weep.”
The problems began in January when Whitmore attempted to add a new coffee maker to his system. The device refused to connect to his existing hub. Adding a second hub caused his bathroom mirror to forget it was a mirror. It now identifies as a thermostat and has been trying to heat his reflection to 22 degrees for five weeks.
“I just wanted to automate my morning routine,” Whitmore said, speaking from his living room via a Ring doorbell because his actual phone was busy running firmware updates. “Now I have to schedule those automations three days in advance and sacrifice a USB-C cable to the Google Home gods every full moon.”
His bedroom curtains currently operate on four different apps, none of which communicate with each other. Opening them fully requires a choreographed sequence involving an iPad, two smartphones, and what Whitmore calls “pure force of will.” Closing them is theoretically possible but hasn’t been achieved since October.
The kitchen represents the most catastrophic failure. Three competing voice assistants now argue audibly when Whitmore requests anything. His smart oven requires a software update before each use. The update takes 45 minutes. His refrigerator has been displaying a Windows 95 screensaver for a month and he’s afraid to investigate why.
“Smart home technology represents the future of domestic living,” said Angela Chen, a technology consultant who has never installed a smart device in her own home. “The key is choosing compatible systems, regular maintenance, and accepting that you’ll never use your toaster again.”
Whitmore recently attempted to simplify his setup by factory resetting everything. This caused his heating system to achieve sentience briefly before crashing entirely. His thermostat now speaks only in error codes. His doorbell has developed what appears to be anxiety. His robot vacuum has been hiding under the sofa for three weeks.
The final straw came when his smart kettle received an update requiring agreement to a 4,000-word terms of service document. Buried in clause 47B was a requirement to watch a 30-second advertisement before boiling water. The advert is for a different smart kettle.
“I’ve got a degree in engineering,” Whitmore said, manually flipping a light switch he’d disconnected from the grid in 2020. “I once programmed a computer from scratch. Yesterday it took me 20 minutes and a YouTube tutorial to turn off my garden lights.”
Dr Marcus Reid, a researcher at Imperial College London who studies human-technology interfaces, was unsympathetic. “Mr Whitmore’s situation is entirely predictable. He’s created a system with 247 points of failure connected via seventeen different protocols, half of which will be discontinued by next Tuesday.”
Whitmore has since ordered a pack of traditional light switches from Amazon. They arrived in smart packaging that won’t open without an app.