A Tunbridge Wells man is said to be in recovery this week after dinner guests successfully identified every single item from his supposedly sophisticated three-course menu as Aldi’s Specially Selected range, sources have confirmed.
Tom Henderson, 34, had spent the previous fortnight casually mentioning his upcoming dinner party to colleagues, dropping strategic references to ‘a rather nice Rioja’ and ‘some proper cheese, not that plastic stuff’. The evening collapsed entirely when guest Sarah Mitchell asked if the camembert was ‘the one from Aldi that’s genuinely better than the Waitrose version’.
“I actually felt my soul leave my body,” Henderson told reporters whilst staring at the middle distance. “I’d transferred the olives into a Le Creuset dish and everything. I even bought new serving spoons.”
The dinner party, attended by six of Henderson’s university friends, had been progressing smoothly until the main course. Henderson’s partner had been instructed to dispose of all packaging in a neighbour’s bin the night before. The wine bottles had been subtly obscured with a tea towel. Several strategic remarks about ‘a little deli I know’ had been deployed.
“It was the pork medallions that gave it away,” explained guest James Cooper, an accountant from Guildford. “They’re genuinely excellent, don’t get me wrong. I’ve got four packs in my freezer. But they have quite a distinctive crumb coating. Also, Tom said they were from his butcher, but his butcher definitely doesn’t coat things in garlic breadcrumbs. No butcher does that.”
The situation deteriorated further when another guest recognised the dessert as Aldi’s Specially Selected Profiterole Stack, a product she claimed to have ‘literally served last weekend’. Henderson reportedly attempted to suggest it was ‘inspired by’ the Aldi version before abandoning the pretence entirely and opening a second bottle of the Rioja, which was also from Aldi.
“The worst part is that everything was genuinely delicious,” said Mitchell, a marketing manager from Sevenoaks. “Their Specially Selected range is legitimately good. But Tom had been banging on about his ‘curated menu’ for two weeks. He used the word curated multiple times. We had to say something.”
Henderson’s partner, who asked not to be named, confirmed that her boyfriend had practiced saying “Oh, just something I threw together” in the mirror that morning. She also revealed he’d briefly considered buying a single expensive bottle of wine to display prominently whilst actually serving the affordable option.
“We’re not even struggling financially,” she added. “He just cannot psychologically handle spending £15 on wine when the £6.99 one is perfectly drinkable.”
Henderson has reportedly cancelled his next planned dinner party, citing a need to ‘focus on other things’. He was last seen browsing the Ocado website with what witnesses described as ‘panicked energy’, adding and removing items from his basket whilst muttering about delivery slots.