The Office for National Statistics has announced a sweeping change to the UK’s income tax system, introducing a new threshold that will classify anyone purchasing a premium meal deal as a higher rate taxpayer. The move comes after data revealed that spending £8.50 on a chicken and bacon triple with a kombucha and some edamame crisps now represents the same proportion of weekly income as buying a yacht did in 1987.
The new bracket, sitting between basic rate and higher rate tax, will apply to individuals who select meal deals containing any of the following: sandwiches with more than two fillings, drinks that aren’t Coca-Cola or own brand water, or crisps you’ve never heard of that cost more than the sandwich itself.
Treasury officials confirmed that approximately 2.4 million Britons will be affected, most of whom have been living beyond their means for months without realising it. The change will primarily impact workers in London who convinced themselves that a £7.95 ‘Deluxe Protein Power Pack’ from Pret was still technically a meal deal because it came with a drink they didn’t want.
“We’ve been monitoring the situation closely,” explained Charlotte Henderson, Senior Economist at the ONS. “When we saw people choosing the £1.85 innocent smoothie instead of the Fanta Fruit Twist, we knew we were dealing with serious disposable income. These are the same people who tick ‘prefer not to say’ when forms ask about salary.”
The new classification means affected individuals will be required to declare their premium meal deal purchases on their annual tax returns. Questions will include ‘Did you select sourdough when normal bread was available?’ and ‘Have you ever bought a meal deal containing quinoa?’
Under the new rules, anyone caught purchasing a Tesco Finest sandwich will be automatically enrolled in wealth management seminars, whilst those who opt for a Metro Bank-sponsored sandwich bag will receive a home visit from an accountant.
Martin Cooper, a management consultant from Exeter, expressed frustration at the change. “I’ve worked hard to get where I am. If I want to treat myself to a prawn and avocado bloomer with a coconut water, that’s my prerogative. Next they’ll be taxing us for choosing the nice napkins.”
Boots has responded by creating a new ‘stealth wealth’ meal deal option, featuring premium ingredients disguised in basic packaging. The £8.20 ‘Definitely Normal Sandwich Meal’ contains lobster and truffle but comes wrapped in paper printed to look like basic ham and cheese.
Meanwhile, Tesco has begun offering financial advice at meal deal fridges, with staff trained to gently suggest the standard £3.90 option to customers ‘who might be getting ahead of themselves’. The supermarket has also introduced a payment plan for its £6.50 premium range, allowing struggling high earners to spread the cost over three lunchtimes.
The changes take effect from April, giving premium meal deal buyers three months to either secure a substantial pay rise or learn to enjoy egg mayonnaise again.