FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The British Hedgehog Collective has formally submitted a request to the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs seeking recognition of flexible working arrangements that would allow its members to operate primarily during dawn and dusk hours, citing comprehensive productivity data gathered over the past eighteen months.
The request, which covers an estimated 879,000 hedgehogs across England, Scotland and Wales, argues that the current expectation of round-the-clock availability has resulted in decreased foraging efficiency, increased predation risk, and what the document describes as ‘unacceptable levels of burnout among mid-ranking insectivores’.
According to data presented in the 47-page submission, hedgehogs operating on a dawn-focused schedule demonstrated a 73 per cent increase in slug consumption, a 64 per cent reduction in unnecessary daytime visibility, and what researchers have termed ‘markedly improved outcomes in the area of not being run over’.
Jennifer Copeland, a wildlife liaison officer at DEFRA who has been handling the negotiations, confirmed that the department is taking the request seriously. She noted that similar arrangements have already been made for other species.
“We’ve already accommodated the badgers’ request for a four-day week, and the bats have been on permanent night shifts since 2019,” Copeland said. “The hedgehogs have presented a compelling case. Their productivity metrics during the 0500 to 0700 window are genuinely remarkable, and frankly, what they’re achieving during the mid-afternoon slot is close to negligible.”
The proposal requests core working hours between dawn and approximately 0900, with a second optional shift between 1900 and 2300. The hedgehogs have indicated they would be willing to remain on-call for emergency slug situations outside these windows, provided they receive adequate notice and are not expected to respond to emails during hibernation.
The submission has received backing from several conservation organisations, though some have questioned whether the hedgehogs are simply trying to formalise arrangements they have been operating under informally for several thousand years.
Martin Eccleston, a workplace productivity consultant who was brought in to review the hedgehogs’ data, said the evidence was difficult to dispute, even if the circumstances were unusual.
“I’ve spent twenty years advising corporations on optimal working patterns, and I have to say, the hedgehogs have done their homework,” Eccleston said. “Their metabolic efficiency charts alone would put most management consultancies to shame. They’ve even included a detailed breakdown of time lost to what they call ‘performative daylight appearances’, which apparently serve no purpose beyond making dog walkers feel briefly cheerful.”
DEFRA has indicated it will respond to the request within eight to twelve weeks, pending consultation with relevant stakeholders. The department has asked that hedgehogs continue to observe existing protocols in the interim, whilst acknowledging that enforcement of any kind remains, in practical terms, essentially impossible.