FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The UK Space Agency is delighted to announce that it has been absorbed into the Department for Science, Innovation and Technology. Nothing will change. Everything will be better. Both statements have been approved by the same person.
A seamless transition
The Agency, which has operated as its own distinct body since 2010, will now sit within the Department’s wider science and technology family. This is part of a government drive to reduce the number of arm’s-length bodies. The Agency’s arms have been shortened accordingly.
Staff will be relocated to a hot-desking area on the fourth floor, next to the photocopier. Desks can be booked up to five working days in advance. The photocopier cannot be booked. It simply happens to you.
“People ask whether we still have room to operate. We have plenty of space. It is on the fourth floor, between the printer and a ficus. Some of it is even ours on Tuesdays.”
Dr Helen Marsh, Interim Director of Transition and Continuity
Mission statement
The Agency’s mission statement has been streamlined to reflect its new circumstances. The previous version ran to four paragraphs and a diagram. The new version fits on a Post-it, which is currently attached to the side of a monitor. The Post-it reads: “Space (growth).” A second Post-it, reading “Ask Dave,” has been added to cover contingencies.
Colleagues have been assured that the Post-it is a working draft. It will be laminated following consultation.
Orbit
The Agency remains fully committed to its orbital ambitions. Staff wishing to observe an orbit may do so in the main lifts, which travel up and down between floors one and six in a repeating cycle. Lift B stops at four. Lift A does not, for reasons under review.
The Agency’s Launch Pad 4B, formerly a stationery cupboard, will be retained. It is next to the fire extinguisher. Health and Safety has confirmed that no launches will take place there, which is consistent with previous performance.
“Britain’s ambitions for domestic launch capability and regional spaceports are undiminished. They have simply been moved to a shared drive. I am confident that the shared drive has the capacity. I have not checked the shared drive.”
Graham Pettifer, Head of Corporate Alignment, Department for Science, Innovation and Technology
Frequently asked questions
Will the Agency still exist? Yes. It will exist within the Department, in the way that a teaspoon exists within a drawer.
Will the Agency’s independence be affected? The Agency retains full independence in all matters that do not require sign-off. A list of these matters is being drawn up and will be circulated once it has been signed off.
Is the Agency losing its own space? No. The Agency is gaining a wider strategic footprint. The physical footprint has been reduced to approximately one and a half desks, one of which has a wobble. A wedge has been provided.
What about the logo? The logo is under review. It is currently being reviewed by a working group, which meets in a room with no windows. The room is called Horizon.
Notes to editors
1. The Agency wishes to thank all staff for their resilience during a period of change that they were told about on Thursday.
2. Media enquiries should be directed to the Department’s press office. The press office will direct them to the Agency. The Agency will direct them to the fourth floor. Please ask for Priya, who is by the photocopier.
3. The Agency’s new email signature is 39 characters longer than the old one. This is believed to be the only area of growth.
