In an unprecedented yet surprisingly orderly demonstration, thousands of vegetarian vampires have taken to the streets, holding banners and chanting slogans like “Hold the bites, bring more spice!”, and “Tomatoes are just misunderstood steak!” The gathering, coordinated through the social media platform Bloodbook, aims to highlight the demand for increased availability and variety of Bloody Mary mixes.
The protesters, donned in black capes accessorized with hessian sacks filled with various rich, red plant-based delights, are calling for pubs and bars to acknowledge their undead-yet-diet-conscious lifestyle. Their primary request is simple: stock more Bloody Mary mix, but hold the animal-derived ingredients.
Dracula himself, or at least a gentleman claiming to be the noble Count, stood at the helm of the gathering, megaphone in hand—or claw—delivering a passionate speech. “We’ve adapted over the centuries,” he said with an exquisite Eastern European accent, “I mean, how many people you think wander into the forest at night with such a high sodium richness? We just want a fair shot at a good time in the local pub without the artery-clogging consequences!”
The movement has seen support from some rather unexpected quarters. Surprisingly, the tomato wranglers union has endorsed the campaign, speculating that an increase in Bloody Mary demand might just be the vegetable-based shot in the arm it needs. Consumer analysts predict a boom in tomato futures, dubbing it the “Red Rivival”, which experts suggest might even surpass the avocado toast craze of recent years.
Critics of the protest, mostly disgruntled werewolves and conspiracy theory enthusiasts, argue that this could lead to chaos in already overcrowded nightlife spots. “What’s next,” one commented on a heated Reddit thread, “Soy sauce demands from werewolves or gluten-free options for those who fear silver poisoning?”
Despite the naysayers, a few enterprising venues have seized the opportunity. One enterprising nightclub owner, who asked to remain anonymous, has already hosted a “Spice ‘n’ Bite” night, featuring a diverse menu of Bloody Marys with optional garlic breadsticks—expertly roasted to ensure they remain a flavor enhancer rather than a vampire repellent.
The protest ended peacefully with a rendition of “Livin’ La Vida Loca” cleverly adapted to “Livin’ the Veg Vida” by a local band of nocturnal bat enthusiasts, who further showcased their solidarity with the vegetarian vampire community by wrapping the event up with a spectacular mocktail fireworks display.
Time will tell if this demonstration marks the beginning of a new age of mutual understanding between the living and the less-alive. Until then, we can at least count on our mist-filled streets to remain safe—unless, of course, you happen to be a beefsteak tomato.