London, UK – In a move that has left both citizens and politicians scratching their heads, the UK government has announced a “country swap” between Scotland and Wales, part of a bold new experiment to “shake things up” and give each nation a fresh start. The unprecedented decision was made following lengthy talks in Westminster, where, in the spirit of fairness, it was determined that swapping the two devolved governments might just solve centuries of political tension—or at least confuse everyone enough to forget about it for a while.
“Operation Highland Shuffle”
Dubbed “Operation Highland Shuffle,” the swap will see Scotland and Wales officially trade places on the UK map. The plan involves moving Scotland to the southwestern tip of the British Isles, where Wales currently resides, while Wales will be relocated to the north, settling neatly where Scotland once sat. A special task force has been assembled to figure out the logistics, which reportedly involve a lot of cranes, tugboats, and very confused sheep.
According to the official statement, the swap is designed to “promote cultural exchange, encourage economic cooperation, and—most importantly—see what happens.” Prime Minister Restwell, who announced the plan in a press conference, described it as “a new chapter in the rich tapestry of the United Kingdom.”
“Let’s be honest, we’ve tried everything else—referendums, devolution, flags with dragons on them—and none of it’s worked,” Restwell said. “So, we thought, why not try swapping Scotland and Wales entirely? At the very least, it’ll give the sat nav companies something to do.”
How It Will Work
Under the swap, all residents of Scotland and Wales will be expected to stay where they are while their governments, flags, and, presumably, a large number of road signs, are transported across the country. In what many are calling a “Brexit-style compromise,” both nations will retain their names and identities, but simply move to their new locations, much like a grand political game of musical chairs.
The new arrangement means Edinburgh will become the capital of Wales, and Cardiff will take its place as Scotland’s new seat of power. Residents of both cities will need to get used to their new national identities quickly, with government-issued “Welcome to Your New Country” pamphlets being distributed as we speak. Tourist guides are reportedly in a state of panic as they rush to update maps, and Google Earth has already issued a statement that it will “need some time to catch up.”
Mixed Reactions from the Public
Predictably, the reaction from the public has been mixed, ranging from bewilderment to cautious optimism.
In Scotland (or what will soon be Wales), some residents are taking the news in stride. “To be honest, as long as we can keep the whisky, I don’t really care where we end up,” said Angus MacLeod, a Glasgow local. “Though, I suppose I’ll have to get used to singing a different national anthem. What’s the Welsh one again? Something about a big leek?”
Meanwhile, in Wales, reactions have been similarly nonchalant. “I guess we’re swapping mountains for more mountains, so it doesn’t really make much difference,” said Bethan Williams from Swansea. “Though I’m not sure how our rugby team is going to fare against haggis. Do they play rugby in Scotland?”
Both governments have expressed their excitement for the swap, with the First Minister of Wales, Dewi Dragon, commenting, “It’s a new dawn for Wales… or Scotland, depending on where I wake up tomorrow.” Scotland’s First Minister was unavailable for comment, reportedly still trying to figure out how to pack the entire Highlands into shipping containers.
Economic and Political Chaos Predicted
Economists have warned of potential chaos as the swap is implemented. With new trade routes and currency exchange points (or “dragon-to-thistle conversion centers”) set up along the border, financial analysts expect a turbulent period for both nations. In particular, questions have been raised about how industries unique to each country—such as whisky production in Scotland and cheese rolling in Wales—will adapt to their new locations.
There are also concerns about how Brexit will affect the swap, as both nations were in the middle of negotiating their future relationships with the European Union when this latest plan was announced. “We’re honestly not sure which country is leaving or staying at this point,” said one exasperated EU official. “But rest assured, we’ll try to negotiate with whoever’s closest to Brussels when this is all over.”
A Future of Uncertainty and Fun Maps
Despite the obvious confusion, the UK government insists that the swap will bring new opportunities for both nations. “Imagine it,” said one optimistic civil servant, “you’ll be able to visit Scotland and Wales in the same day without leaving your car! It’s the ultimate road trip.”
As the moving day approaches, people across the UK are bracing themselves for what might be the most bizarre geographical experiment in modern history. Whether this swap will lead to greater unity or simply a surge in GPS-related frustration remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: the UK map is about to get a lot more interesting.
In the meantime, the English government has announced that no such swaps are planned for them—though rumours are circulating that Cornwall has been eyeing a potential trade deal with Devon.