In an unprecedented event that has left the gaming community both baffled and amused, 82-year-old Agnes “Lightning Thumbs” McGee has managed to finish the highly anticipated video game “Dragon Slayer 3000” a whole week before it was even released.
Agnes, a retired librarian from Basingstoke, had unintentionally stumbled into the world of speedrunning after she mistook a gaming console for a bread maker last Christmas. Since then, she has become an overnight sensation known for her rapid-fire completion of games that take average players months. “I thought I was just setting the time for the bread but instead, I set a world record for completing ‘The Witcher 3’ in under three hours,” Agnes admits with a modest chuckle.
But no one, not even Agnes herself, could foresee the events of last Tuesday. Developers of “Dragon Slayer 3000” were left scratching their heads when Agnes uploaded a full playthrough of the game on a platform they didn’t even know existed: GrannyGamers.tv. “We were still ironing out some final bugs when suddenly, my grandmother yelled from the living room, ‘I’ve slain the dragon and knitted a jumper in 45 minutes!’” exclaims Jason Frodo, lead programmer and Agnes’s grandson.
Agnes’s only explanation for her prodigious feat was her love for the 1991 series “Murder, She Wrote,” starring another fabulous octogenarian, Jessica Fletcher. “I used to solve the mysteries along with Jessica. Once you can solve murder cases with someone who never ages, video game bosses become a piece of cake,” she says, her eyes twinkling behind her thick spectacles.
The incident has caused quite a stir in the halls of gaming studios worldwide. “Nobody even knows how she got the game,” stated a bewildered Rufus Treetop, the game’s Creative Director. “Last we checked, the only person with a copy was Jen in marketing, and she swears it’s been in her desk drawer all along.”
In response, the gaming company has decided to hire Agnes as their official quality control specialist. “If Speedrunning Grandma can break it, nobody else stands a chance,” Treetop admits, while Agnes casually asks for a cup of tea for the road.
As for Agnes, she’s already set her sights on her next adventure. “They tell me there’s a new ‘Zelda’ game coming out. I wonder if it has dragons too. If it doesn’t, maybe I’ll knit a few into existence,” she muses while comfortably ensconced in her floral-patterned armchair.
In the end, this delightful glitch in the gaming matrix just goes to show that age is but a number, and perhaps a cheat code lying in wait within the joyful chaos of life.