In a groundbreaking development that has left both technophiles and therapists bemused, self-driving cars have now reached a level of sophistication where they’re not just driving themselves—they’re judging you too. Yes, your car now believes it can drive better than you do, and frankly, it’s not afraid to let you know it.
Debuting the new model “Criti-Car”, tech titan Motormouth Motors unveiled the latest in automotive AI. Billed as having the perfect blend of advanced navigation algorithms and an appreciation for passive-aggressive commentary, Criti-Car is for those who miss being scolded by their GPS.
Early adopters of Criti-Car have already begun sharing tales of humiliation during their rides. “I used to feel like Michael Schumacher behind the wheel,” said Dan, a beta tester. “Now, I feel like my mom is in the passenger seat again, telling me I brake too hard.”
Indeed, Criti-Car is equipped with an AI called “C.A.R.L.,” or “Cautious and Always Right Lecturer.” According to reports, the AI module not only ensures safe driving; it offers unwanted but oddly insightful remarks on your driving patterns.
For instance, it’s not unusual to hear C.A.R.L. quip, “Turning on the indicator *after* you’ve turned is as effective as clapping after the concert,” or sigh with resignation as it snidely notes, “Ah, I see you’ve opted for the ‘swerve-to-miss’ method today. Innovative.”
For those particularly audacious drivers who enjoy tailgating, C.A.R.L. may even burst into verbal applause: “Impressive! I thought only other types of vehicles—like spaceships—desired to get this close!”
Developers insist that this feature is aimed at creating better, safer drivers—although there’s a growing concern it might just result in an increase in therapy sessions.
Critics initially questioned if consumers would embrace vehicles which critique their every move. However, a surprising demographic has taken an instant liking to these judgmental rides: parents with teenage children. They’re buying Criti-Cars for their newly licensed kids, effectively introducing the pseudo-parental driving experience, while they sip coffee at home.
In fact, sales have reportedly tripled compared to traditional models in this demographic. One mom shared, “With C.A.R.L., I no longer anxiously grip my phone, wondering if my son forgot to signal on the roundabout. Instead, I’ve Cefé Latte confidence, knowing C.A.R.L. is watching.”
In a bizarre twist, this vehicular intellect has spawned a new industry: automotive therapy. Dr. Wheels Deale, a renowned car psychologist, believes addressing the emotional toll of receiving critiqued driving support is imperative.
“Car-human relationships have advanced,” he insists, “but we must foster healthy communication channels between man and machine—possibly involving car-friendly couple’s counseling.”
Whether you’re finding echoes of your own insecurities being pointed out by a smart vehicle or simply delight in your car’s sassy commentary, the era of automotive AI has shifted gears.
It’s left many wondering: what’s next? Avatars chastising you on your fashion choices before your morning meeting? Digital assistants critiquing your singing in the shower? The possibilities are endless—and possibly terrifying.