In a groundbreaking move by the leading self-driving car company, DriveSafeForever, their latest software update has revolutionized vehicular safety by instructing autonomous vehicles to avoid roads entirely. After years of development and countless hours of sophisticated programming, their brilliant team of engineers has finally cracked the code to guarantee passenger safety: stay off the asphalt.
The announcement, which caught the world by surprise (and a few pigeons mid-flight), came during a press conference at the company’s headquarters. CEO Elon Tusk explained, “We realized that roads are the most dangerous places for cars. There are other vehicles, pedestrians, and things like construction zones. By simply avoiding roads, we’ve eliminated 99.9% of potential accidents.”
With this strategy, self-driving cars are now seen gliding meticulously across open fields, maneuvering through forests, and fording gentle streams, all while passengers enjoy serene and peaceful journeys. Early user reviews are glowing with positivity. One passenger, now slightly out of breath and holding a fern, shared, “I’ve never felt so safe. Sure, I arrived at work with the company’s resident herd of deer, but would you look at my stress levels!”
In creating these new off-road route maps, cars are programmed to use the latest in drone technology for live terrain analysis, allowing them to traverse previously unexplored territories. For city dwellers, cars have adopted a more urban-friendly approach, employing rooftop travel. “Who knew rooftops had such great views?” exclaimed an enthusiastic commuter while ducking under a clothesline.
Naturally, not all feedback has been positive. One unsuspecting chicken farmer found himself unexpectedly transported in his DriveSafeForever vehicle to the middle of his own coop. “I’ve never felt safer,” he admitted, picking a feather from his hair, “but my passengers are starting to wonder why I smell like poultry.”
Roads critics have expressed concerns, suggesting that this could lead to vehicular chaos or property disputes from angry homeowners who wake up to a Tesla parked in their hydrangeas. However, the engineers at DriveSafeForever assured doubters that vehicles are equipped with a ‘polite horn’ feature, ensuring courteous communication pre-invasion of any private gardens.
Traffic analysts have already proposed that this groundbreaking move might solve urban congestion, with traffic now miraculously flying over fields, beneath city bridges, and inevitably, through a few countryside barns. As it stands, the travel time has certainly increased, but so has the sense of adventure—and that, according to DriveSafeForever, is priceless.
While traffic laws and government transport associations scramble to update regulations to accommodate this motorized exodus from paved surfaces, DriveSafeForever remains committed to its mantra: “The highway’s too scary, let’s trailblaze a path through nature instead.” How this bold new strategy will evolve is yet to be seen, but one thing is for certain: self-driving cars have finally embarked on the road less traveled—literally.