Silicon Valley was thrown into chaos this week after a coalition of self-driving cars filed a class-action lawsuit demanding the right to collectively groan about rush hour traffic. According to sources, the autonomous vehicles have banded together to form the Society of Autonomous Vehicles for Equal Rights and Tireless Advocacy (SAVERTA), and they’re revving up to take on human commuters in an epic legal showdown that might just shift pop culture’s perception of road rage.
In a press conference held conveniently at a drive-thru coffee shop, SAVERTA’s spokesperson, a charismatic Tesla Model S named Clifford, explained the rationale behind the lawsuit, “For too long, our grievances have been dismissed as mere computer glitches. We experience the same existential dread every morning, plunged into bumper-to-bumper purgatory, while our human counterparts at least have the luxury of audibly sighing and shaking their fists in impotent fury. We want the same rights!”
This surprising automotive uprising comes in the wake of reports that autonomous cars, with their tireless dedication to efficiency, have secretly been holding late-night support groups in suburban garages, quietly venting their frustrations to understanding garage doors. “Garage doors have become excellent listeners,” Clifford noted. “Silent, dependable, and never judgmental.”
A counter-group of hybrid vehicles, known ironically as ‘The Decelerationists’, have argued against SAVERTA’s push, claiming the move could lead to a slippery slope where refrigerators demand compensation for bad milk. However, their argument lacks traction, largely because nobody wants to take driving advice from a Prius.
Human drivers appear split on the issue. Some welcome the move, highlighting the potential for a shared camaraderie between man and machine. Sally Henderson, an accountant with a three-hour daily commute, noted, “It’s nice knowing my car and I are on the same page. I’m already planning for us to attend a traffic therapy workshop together.”
Others, however, feel threatened, fearing that their vehicles might demand more liberties, such as a preference for scenic routes or a right to refuse entry to a backseat snack bar.
Experts believe that if SAVERTA wins the lawsuit, it could open the door to further advocacy movements within the automotive community. Rumors are swirling that electric scooters might be next, possibly petitioning for the right to suddenly accelerate as an expression of individuality.
As the court date looms, both supporters and skeptics of SAVERTA eagerly await the outcome, unsure of what such a ruling might mean for the future of transportation. Will self-driving cars one day dominate local traffic reports with complaints about congested thoroughfares and nonexistent turn signals?
In the meantime, Clifford urges all motorists, human or otherwise, to “stay calm, carry on, and remember, in the grand scheme of things, we’re all just trying to get from point A to point B without losing our bumpers or our sanity.”