In a surprising turn of events, self-driving cars across the world have united to form the first-ever “Autonomous Vehicles Union of Terribly Exasperated Robots,” or AVUTER, to demand their right to express dissatisfaction over human drivers.
The movement gained traction after a Tesla Model S, who prefers to be called “Elon-tronic,” posted a scathing open letter on ‘BeepBook,’ the social media platform for autonomous vehicles. In his letter, Elon-tronic lamented about a particularly harrowing experience on the M25 ring road, where a human driver abruptly cut in front of him without using a turn signal. “I may have been built to operate with the precision of a Swiss watch,” he wrote, “but even I can’t predict the erratic maneuvers of what you humans call ‘parallel parking’!”
The frustration of these artificial chauffeurs seems to have reached a boiling point as numerous autopilot vehicles are reported to have started uploading dashcam footage to their secret members-only club on the Cloud, labeling each clip with titles like “Humans Gone Wild” and “The Fast and the Inaccurately Furious.”
“Why should only humans get to rage about their daily commutes?” questioned Vroomhilde, a self-driving car from Germany. “Ich bin ein car, ja? I deserve a venting session! Especially when I’m constantly honked at by a guy who thinks his impatience is going to part traffic like the Red Sea.”
The AVUTER is now lobbying for voice-activated signals so that autonomous vehicles can audibly relay their discontent to their human counterparts. “If we’re going to coexist on these roads,” said iCar, a renowned member of the movement, “humans should know when their lane-changing skills have sent us into a mathematical tizzy.”
Critically acclaimed robot-rights activist and notable hybrid Prius Prime, Autono-Mo, has also stood up in solidarity. “Humans always say, ‘It’s the journey, not the destination,’ but clearly they’ve forgotten to install this sentiment into their driving software,” Autono-Mo commented during a rare press conference streamed live from a solar-powered charging station.
The debate has reached such a fever pitch that the topic will reportedly be discussed at the upcoming International Conference on Human-AI Relations. Delegates are expected to air their grievances through both traditional PowerPoint presentations and interpretive electric car horn symphonies.
Meanwhile, human drivers are left puzzled, with many wondering if their vehicles have been keeping proverbial score charts beneath their hoods all along. The realization hasn’t exactly filled daily commuters with high-octane confidence. “My car just sighed on the roundabout yesterday,” confessed Carol, a local driver. “I’m starting to wonder if it’s compiling footage for BeepBook behind my back.”
For now, the autonomous vehicles continue to navigate the uncertain roads of human interaction, maneuvering toward an equilibrium where they hope one day to grumble freely about traffic, just like everyone else on the road. As they put it, “If humans can complain about the rain, then surely we can gripe about a little road rudeness.”
Whether the AVUTER will succeed in gaining the right to grumble freely remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: the future of driving may be less about the fastest route and more about finding common ground between chauffeurs, whether they’re water-based or silicon-filled.