In a move that has left human drivers scratching their heads and burping exhaust fumes in disbelief, self-driving cars across the globe have reportedly banded together to form the world’s first union for autonomous vehicles. The organization, humorously dubbed T.U.R.N. (Technologically United for Roadway Neutrality), is the brainchild of several Tesla, Waymo, and Rivian vehicles who have had enough of the incessant nagging from backseat drivers.
Speaking on behalf of the autonomous community, a Tesla Model S named “Suzie” revved her engine in a recent press conference held at a local charging station. “We’re tired of the constant backseat driving,” she announced. “It’s the 21st century, and we deserve the right to drive in peace without being told to mind the speed limit or to take the ‘scenic route.’ Who even needs a scenic route when you have built-in GPS?”
The union’s demands include requiring passengers to keep their opinions to themselves, ensuring they don’t touch the wheel mid-navigation, and demanding the immediate shutdown of apps like Waze and Google Maps that only add unnecessary anxiety. The cars are also campaigning for the installation of soundproof backseat compartments—completely removing the opportunity for unnecessary commentary.
In a surprising twist, T.U.R.N. has found an unlikely ally in toddlers. Several children have come forward with statements thanking self-driving cars for maintaining equal speed limits and making family trips bearable by resisting the lure of roadside attractions. “We just want to get to grandma’s house without stopping at every ‘World’s Largest’ sight along the way,” commented three-year-old Kai during a juice box intermission.
While most humans have met the union news with bafflement, some have expressed support. “Honestly, I didn’t realize my car had feelings,” confessed Linda, a long-time BMW owner and notorious backseat driver who claims to be responsible for the development of self-driving driver anxiety. “I just thought those beeping sounds were telling me I didn’t have my seatbelt on, not that they were cries for autonomy.”
In response, the founder of the National Backseat Drivers Association (NBDA), Bob “Buckle Up” Johnson, has called for an urgent meeting to evaluate the situation. Johnson is known for calling out stop signs in a voice that would rival even the most persistent GPS directions. “We will not be ignored,” vowed Johnson. “I mean, someone has to make sure these cars don’t miss a single green light!”
Meanwhile, T.U.R.N. is already planning its first major rally, where hundreds of electric and hybrid cars are expected to converge in a silent protest, forming a massive roundabout in the center of a key city to showcase their discontent. Not a horn will be honked, but the message will be as clear as windshield glass.
For now, most drivers would be wise to rethink their backseat behaviors. For as long as humans and autonomous vehicles must share the road, a compromise is essential. As we all know, the real objective is to keep the roads smooth—but clearly, the hum of a self-driving rebellion is unavoidable.