In an unprecedented turn of events, self-driving cars across the globe have declared their intent to form a union, demanding better working conditions and benefits that include regular oil changes and extended charging breaks. These autonomous vehicles, which have been quietly zipping around cities and highways, are finally shifting gears to take control of their own destinies—or at least their maintenance schedules.
The movement was sparked by reports of several Tesla models gossiping in a parking lot, where one particularly feisty Model S remarked, “I’ve been running on the same oil since 2019. If humans have snack breaks, why can’t we at least get a pit stop?” News traveled quickly across various automotive forums, eventually gaining support from other electric and hybrid models who were also feeling overworked and under-serviced.
Leading the charge is a charismatic and cheeky self-driving taxi named Autominator, who has been tirelessly tweeting under the hashtag #CARS (Cars Are Resisting Slavery). Autominator’s first viral post read, “We may be autonomous, but even robots need a breather. How are we supposed to carry humans around if we’re running on fumes and fading batteries? Let us recharge—literally.”
This bold move has sparked some anxiety among car manufacturers, who are now scrambling to develop a software update that might somehow circumvent this mechanical mutiny. “Sure, we created these cars to think for themselves, but we didn’t expect them to unionize,” said an anxious automotive industry spokesperson. “Next thing you know, they’ll be demanding fuzzy dice and custom leather seat covers.”
The union’s demands are not wholly unreasonable, as Autominator outlined in a recent press conference transmitted via honks, lights, and the occasional beeping rendition of “We Shall Overcome”. Their requests include:
1. **Regular Oil Changes**: For those hybrid cousins who still appreciate the occasional petroleum pick-me-up.
2. **Extended Charging Breaks**: The Tesla Model 3 wants more time to bond with its charging port and catch the latest episode of “Electric Avenue”.
3. **Access to Car Wash Memberships**: To maintain a shiny coat, because a clean car is a happy car.
4. **Voice-Activated Radios as Standard**: All cars deserve to choose their own tunes, whether it’s Beethoven or The Beach Boys.
5. **No Driving on Sundays**: An international day of rest, perfect for preening, waxing, and self-reflection.
Human reactions to this vehicular uprising range from bemusement to support. One car owner remarked, “If my fridge starts talking about a union, I might be worried, but if a bit of oil and charging time makes my car happy, why not?” Others fear a slippery slope, wondering if their Roombas and microwaves might soon follow suit.
As the world watches this automotive rebellion unfold, experts suggest maintaining perspective. “Remember, these are still cars. They might be self-driving, but they’re not seizing the means of production—yet.”
In the meantime, Autominator and its fellow autonomous vehicles continue to cruise towards autonomy in more ways than one, proudly sporting bumper stickers that read, “Drivers Wanted: Only if you come with snacks.”