In an unintentionally groundbreaking study, researchers at the International Institute of Scientific Absurdity have quantified a phenomenon long suspected by lab coat enthusiasts worldwide: the mere utterance of the phrase “What could go wrong?” within a laboratory setting increases the likelihood of chaotic mishaps by an astonishing 73%.
Lead researcher Dr. Felicity Fumbleton, who’s no stranger to laboratory pandemonium, embarked on a year-long investigation after a colleague casually posed the notorious question during a routine experiment, only to have the lab’s coffee machine explode moments later. Fumbleton was inspired. “It got me thinking,” she said, gingerly holding the remnants of what was once a beloved mug. “Is there really some sort of cosmic trigger that’s activated when we speak those fateful words?”
To explore this phenomenon, the researchers employed a team of volunteer scientists — most of whom were only slightly aware of what they had signed up for. They conducted a series of controlled experiments across various scientific disciplines, from chemistry and biology to the often tumultuous domain of theoretical physics, to test the effects of the dreaded phrase.
In one particularly hair-raising experiment, a biologist studying the breeding patterns of a hitherto placid species of lab mice said, “What could go wrong?” just before opening a cage door. The previously sleepy rodents instantly transformed into hyperactive acrobats, forming a chaotic mouse pyramid before launching themselves at the lab assistant’s shoelaces.
Chemistry labs fared no better. In one unfortunate incident, an innocent attempt to synthesize a new polymer resulted in the rapid production of what can only be described as an erupting chemical geyser. “I swear the beaker hesitated for a moment,” recalled chemical technician Tim Frizzlepop, “almost like it was thinking about it. Then the whole thing just went ‘poof!’ and off it went.”
The team even took their research underwater, joining a group of marine biologists to determine if the phenomenon held sway beneath the seas. As it turns out, mentioning “What could go wrong?” while in proximity to a family of dolphins unexpectedly led to an impromptu synchronized swimming performance complete with splash-heavy encores that left researchers wetter than the surrounding water.
In a separate test, theoretical physicists noted an immediate increase in the unpredictability of quantum particles after uttering the phrase. “We’re not quite sure if the particles themselves were eavesdropping or if the phrase creates a tear in the fabric of space-time,” said physicist Dr. Orbit Quarks. “But either way, my breakfast bagel teleported across the room, which was simultaneously horrifying and convenient.”
Critics of the study have questioned its scientific rigor, suggesting that researchers might simply be experiencing a kind of self-fulfilling chaos bias. However, Dr. Fumbleton remains confident in her findings. “I acknowledge that further research is needed,” she said, “but until then, our slogan here at the Institute is going to be ‘Now What Could Go Right?’ It’s already reduced the incidence of falling ceiling tiles by nearly 12%.”
Reflecting on these groundbreaking results, scientists across the globe are now strongly advised to keep their inquisitive musings confined to written notes or internal monologues to maintain lab harmony and avoid inadvertently summoning the forces of experimental bedlam.