Last Tuesday, Jennifer from the university’s IT helpdesk received an unusual ticket that would soon turn into a groundbreaking botanical revelation. The ticket read: “Office plants wilting after colleague caught singing in the shower—urgent!”
At first, Jennifer assumed it was some kind of prank. However, when she investigated the request further, she found that the sender—an earnest biology professor named Dr. Simon Greenspan—was dead serious. According to Dr. Greenspan, several plants in the university’s greenhouse had shown signs of distress ever since a graduate student began belting out Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” in the communal shower facilities next door.
Intrigued, Jennifer escalated the ticket to the university’s experimental botany lab, where scientists began monitoring the chlorophyll content, leaf turgidity, and most importantly, the plants’ behavior relative to nearby sound vibrations. What they discovered was straight out of a sci-fi comedy: plants appeared to be exhibiting “judgmental responses” whenever human singing was detected.
Lead scientist Dr. Marcy Leafington explained, “We recorded a significant increase in leaf drooping and subtle shifts in stem orientation—almost like the plants were sighing or rolling their leaves in exasperation. It’s as if they were silently critiquing our vocal performance.”
Further tests revealed that the plants’ reactions were disproportionate to the volume; even timid humming caused visible wilting, as if plants were collectively groaning at the collective human tone-deafness. Dr. Leafington commented, “Maybe we should thank them for keeping us humble.”
The ticket, originally logged as a simple “plant health concern,” has since inspired a new research field dubbed “Phyto-Audio Criticism,” exploring how flora might be silently judging our shower renditions. Meanwhile, Jennifer closed the ticket with the note: “Issue identified—avoid soliciting our green friends for chorus practice.”
University management is reportedly considering adding noise-cancelling speakers to shower stalls, and a disclaimer warning humans that their botanical roommates might just be the harshest critics they’ve ever had. In the meantime, the plants remain undefeated champions of savage internal commentary.