In a groundbreaking development that has left the beauty industry quivering in its scented boots, scientists at the Institute of Unheard-of Discoveries have unveiled a revolutionary skincare routine that requires precisely zero skincare products—and only three sessions of imagining you’re a cushion.
The lead researcher, Dr. Agnes Improbable, shared the startling findings during a press conference held in her neighbor’s garage. “Years of research and rigorous testing have led us to conclude that the key to glowing, youthful skin is to simply exist akin to an inanimate, plush object,” declared Dr. Improbable, while nonchalantly throwing cucumber slices to a curious ferret.
The unparalleled beauty regimen consists of four foolproof steps: Recline, Perceive, Pretend, and Repeat, endearingly referred to by the team as the “RPPR method.” The process begins by reclining in a dimly lit room, closing your eyes, and engaging profoundly with the universe’s inherent absurdity—imagining your pillow-self as deceptively decorative yet supportive.
Even celebrities, frequently hounded by PR reps armed with vials of glimmering potions, are flocking to this new cosmic coziness. A-listers have reportedly taken to expressing their support for the method through hashtags like #CozyNotCreamy and #SerumlessSensation.
Celebrity dermalologist, Dr. Glow McPoreless, expressed a mild panic. “This discovery is catastrophic,” he murmured while frantically applying a 37-step routine product to his own hands. “But one can’t deny the beauty of simplicity. And, cushions—well, they’re really just soft heroes, aren’t they?”
Skepticism and downright befuddlement aside, the placebo effect seems to be working powerful magic. Sandra and Gary, a couple from Well-that-was-a-mistake, Ohio, claimed to have noticed significant changes. “Two weeks of RPPR and Gary’s fine lines actually started crawling off his face in embarrassment!” beamed Sandra. “I’ve even embraced my inner cushion at work. Now my skin and my spreadsheets are equally smooth.”
While skeptics propose the idea is a puff piece—a silly stab at dampening capitalism—the cushioned crusade carries on. Dr. Improbable and her team stand firm, ready to write poetry for pillowcases and meditate with remote controls, assured that soft solutions don’t come bottled, and the secret to true beauty might just lie in thoughtful indifference and a plush seating arrangement.