In a groundbreaking revelation that’s sure to put a spark in the environmental debate, scientists have uncovered a shocking fact about electric vehicles (EVs): they are, in fact, powered by tiny hamsters on treadmills. As the world grapples with this astonishing discovery, the implications for both the automotive industry and pet stores are electrifying.
The investigation began when a group of curious scientists at the Institute for Sustainable Tomfoolery decided to examine the undercarriage of a brand new electric car. To their surprise, they found a secret compartment housing what can only be described as a hamster paradise—a luxury condominium complete with miniature treadmills, water dispensers, and a huge stash of sunflower seeds.
Dr. Ima Jokester, lead scientist on the team, was baffled by the discovery. “We always assumed these cars were powered by state-of-the-art lithium-ion batteries,” she explained, “but it turns out, it’s the rapid scurrying of hamsters that actually keeps these vehicles on the move.”
At the heart of the hamster-powered engine is a complex system of wheels and gears that convert the tiny rodents’ foot power into kinetic energy. According to scientists, even the most sophisticated computer simulations couldn’t exactly replicate the energy output of these fuzzy powerhouses.
The news has sent shockwaves through the auto industry. Manufacturers are now hastily rebranding their electric vehicles, with one major company initiating a campaign titled “Hamster-Powered, Human-Friendly.” Marketing teams are already crafting slogans like “Unleash the Rodent in You” and “Drive Squeaky Clean.”
Meanwhile, hamster breeders across the globe are cashing in on the rodent revolution. Sales of pet hamsters have skyrocketed, as hopeful car owners rush to upgrade their vehicles’ power units. At Pet & Co., it was reported that a recently-restocked hamster named Speedy became a celebrity overnight, whisked away to power some CEO’s luxury Tesla.
In response to this shocking revelation, environmentalists are divided. Some are concerned about potential overworking and mistreatment of the hamsters, while others applaud the innovation as a beautiful blend of nature and technology. The Hamster Welfare League has already lobbied for laws requiring mandatory “Chew Breaks” and “Nap Time” for all working hamsters.
Amidst the controversy, conspiracy theorists are having a field day. Rumors are circulating that the hamsters are secretly plotting a takeover of the global power grid. “They’re everywhere,” warned one concerned driver. “First our cars, then what’s next? The fridge? The toaster?”
As society grapples with this newfound knowledge, one thing is for sure: the next time you’re driving down the freeway in your silent, emission-free car, spare a thought for the little hamster under the hood who’s going the extra mile—or, in his case, the extra squeak.