CAMBRIDGE, UK – In a groundbreaking study that has shaken the foundations of pet ownership, researchers at the prestigious Institute of Canine Cognition have revealed that dogs have been deliberately pretending not to understand the concept of time, primarily to guilt-trip their owners and secure extra treats.

Dr. Sarah Woofington, lead researcher on the project, made the shocking discovery after installing hidden cameras in numerous households across Britain. “We observed dogs checking their owners’ phone calendars while they slept and setting alarms on smart devices using their paws,” she explained. “One particularly crafty Yorkshire Terrier was caught adjusting all the clocks in the house during daylight savings.”

The study revealed that dogs not only understand time perfectly but have been exploiting their owners’ belief that they don’t. “That whole ‘my dog gets excited when I come home whether I’m gone for 20 minutes or 8 hours’ thing? Complete theatre,” said Dr. Woofington. “They’re all graduates of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Barks.”

Local dog owner Tom Phillips reported feeling betrayed after discovering his Labrador, Dave, had been secretly maintaining a Google Calendar. “All this time, I thought he just got excited whenever I reached for the leash,” Phillips said. “Turns out he’d scheduled our walks weeks in advance and was just humoring me.”

The research also uncovered evidence that dogs have been coordinating their deception through an underground network of bark-based morse code. “They’ve been sharing tips on how to perfect the ‘I haven’t been fed in days’ look, even minutes after eating,” added research assistant Dr. James Biscuit.

In response to the findings, the British Association of Pet Insurers has announced they will no longer cover “emotional manipulation” as a pre-existing condition.

At press time, cats were unavailable for comment, but were observed rolling their eyes and muttering “amateurs” under their breath.