In the ever-evolving world of diet fads, where yesterday’s kale smoothie is today’s avocado toast, comes a groundbreaking meal plan that promises to revolutionize the way we think about food—or, rather, the way we think without food. Dubbed the “Inhale-n-Tell” lifestyle, this avant-garde approach has been making waves across social media and wellness blogs, as the world learns to fill up on nothing but air and good vibes.
Developed by celebrity influencer and self-proclaimed wellness guru, Lila Eversmile, the new regimen claims that all you need to survive—nay, thrive—is the air you breathe and the power of positivity emanating from your thoughts. Gone are the days of pre-heating ovens and worrying about whether it’s quinoa or “kwin-o-uh.” With Inhale-n-Tell, your only shopping list is an open mind and plenty of lung capacity.
“Think about it,” Lila explains in her recent TED Talk titled “Why Food is So Last Year,” delivered while performing a headstand on stage. “Plants live off air and sunlight, so why shouldn’t we? You don’t see sunflowers stressing over the carb content in a baguette.”
Adherents of the Inhale-n-Tell lifestyle are required to follow a strict regimen of conscious breathing exercises paired with affirmations like “I am sustained by my own awesomeness” and “My mitochondria are mini nuclear reactors.” Lila assures her followers that if one breathes deeply enough, it’s possible to “transform atmospheric nitrogen directly into ketones.”
Skeptics have been quick to question the scientific basis of the diet, inquiring about things like “nutrients” and “basic biological needs,” but Lila isn’t swept away by the cynicism. “Science, schmeience!” she exclaims. “Your body knows what it needs and what it needs now is to stop being such a chemical junkie.”
Reports of side effects have surfaced, with initial testers describing dizziness, spots in their vision, and a tendency to hug strangers. But most enthusiasts claim elevated levels of enlightenment and a staggering number of Instagram followers, which, as we all know, are quantifiable health metrics in today’s society.
Originating in a Californian yoga retreat, the movement has rapidly proliferated amongst urban millennials and is now being adopted by Silicon Valley executives who hope to double their productivity by eliminating lunch breaks. “It’s simple efficiency,” claims Chad McGadget, CEO of Grabble, during a meeting comprised entirely of deep inhales and spontaneous bursts of motivational chants.
As the Inhale-n-Tell trend continues to grow, Lila is set to release her follow-up book “The Cloud Cookbook” featuring hundreds of air-based recipes, including signature dishes like “Cumulonimbus Curry” and “Stratus Soufflé,” perfect for those eagerly trying to capture the flavors of fresh atmosphere with a hint of hope.
However, nutritionists nationwide strongly advise that the healthiest diet is one balanced in foods from all basic groups, including at least a dollop of sense and a sprinkle of skepticism. Until then, those embracing the Inhale-n-Tell movement are surely breathing easier than they ever have. Or, at the very least, they’re just breathing more than usual.