In an unprecedented move that has left both political analysts and primary school children scratching their heads, the Prime Minister has unveiled a revolutionary policy designed to transform the landscape of political decision-making. From now on, all political debates and decisions are to be resolved through the timeless playground game of rock-paper-scissors. The announcement was made during a press conference that rapidly morphed into a spontaneous tournament involving members of the press and cabinet ministers.
The Prime Minister, known for bold and often bewildering initiatives, addressed the nation with a pair of scissors in one hand and, somewhat confusingly, a banana in the other. “After careful deliberation, and three best-of-five matches with the Chancellor, we’ve decided that this approach promotes swift decision-making, reduces lengthy debates, and makes politics somewhat more bearable, especially for those watching at home.”
The details of the policy make for interesting reading. Any political disagreement that arises will be resolved by the politicians involved engaging in a best-of-seven rock-paper-scissors match, overseen by an impartial referee – Bob from the mailroom, who was chosen due to his exceptional skill in refereeing lunchtime arm wrestling contests.
Critics have questioned the sincerity of the policy, suggesting that it may undermine the complexity and depth of political challenges. The Prime Minister’s spokesperson responded in defense: “The PM would like to remind everyone that rock beats scissors, paper beats rock, and most importantly, scissors beat whatever boring political argument you were about to have about funding allocations.”
Supporters of the initiative argue that the simplicity of rock-paper-scissors might actually lead to fewer legislative stalemates. Veteran MP Sir Gertrude Wobblebottom commented, “It’s perplexingly brilliant. I’ve sat through so many debates that could have ended hours earlier with a couple of well-placed rocks.”
The world has reacted with mixed emotions. While some international leaders remain sceptical, others appear intrigued. French President Jacques Baguette reportedly tried the new method with his Cabinet, only to conclude that “paper français beat anyone’s rock” while attempting to adjust the rules for cultural authenticity.
Meanwhile, in sports-related news, bookmakers have started taking bets on upcoming parliamentary sessions—a development which has delighted gamblers nationwide. “Finally,” exclaimed one enthusiastic bettor, “politics has become as unpredictable as it’s always felt!”
The Prime Minister concluded the announcement with a final shocking statement, declaring that should the policy prove successful, the government may look into introducing a sweeping reform to how laws are passed, possibly introducing a modified version of hide-and-seek. Lost legislation would apparently be considered “not meant to be found.”
As the country eagerly anticipates the first televised rock-paper-scissors debate, the big question remains: will this new method cut through the issues, or simply paper over the cracks? Only time, and perhaps a few games of rock-paper-scissors, will tell.