In a groundbreaking move to combat chronic yawning and mid-speech dozing, the Parliament has announced plans to implement a revolutionary “Nap Time” policy, set to take effect next month. This innovative initiative is designed to address the fatigue epidemic that has plagued the hallowed halls of government, causing legislators to occasionally confuse their manifestos with their mattress shopping lists.
The new policy, dubbed “Siesta for Statesmen,” will allocate a 30-minute daily nap session for all MPs, with customizable snuggle zones being installed in the basement of the House of Commons. These cozy sanctuaries promise the kind of restful experience that will have our lawmakers waking up refreshed and ready to tackle the pressing issues of the day, or at the very least, to stop mistaking the Speaker’s chair for a reclining armchair.
Behind the scenes, an enthusiastic Parliamentary Nap Committee has been hard at work crafting the perfect balance between relaxation and policy-making. They’ve sourced an extensive range of pillows infused with various herbs, including calming chamomile and invigorating peppermint, in a bid to appease those both for and against the afternoon snooze. An anonymous MP from the backbenches hilariously quipped, “Finally, a committee that wants us to sleep on the job and means it literally!”
To encourage healthy napping habits and prevent any rogue nappers from dozing into the dinner hours, a “Cradle of Democracy” soundtrack will play periodically, featuring soothing renditions of popular political anthems such as “Rock-a-bye Referendum” and “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bill”. A gentle alarm will sound just before the next debate, to ensure that everyone wakes up just in time to vote on the next big national issue, likely something about biscuits and tax relief.
Critics have been quick to jest on social media, with one tweet humorously suggesting that “Nap Time” is simply a thinly-veiled plot to catch rogue dreamers conspiring with their subconscious. Others have pointed out that this might herald a new era of ‘sleeptalk diplomacy’, where key legislative changes are concocted during REM sleep, then shouted back and forth in half-awake daze.
In staunch defence of the initiative, the newly appointed Minister for Snoozes and Siestas declared, “Our nation works hard, and our politicians are no exception. They need these naps to maintain the vigor required to tirelessly debate whether the national anthem should have a tempo upgrade.”
The public reception has been mixed, with many citizens suggesting that normal napping Brits should also get state-sponsored snooze time. Meanwhile, global leaders are eagerly watching the experiment unfold, with rumours that the United Nations is considering a “World Peace Nap Protocol” if all goes well.
Regardless of where one resides on the political spectrum, it seems this new policy has put a fresh twist on the notion of parliamentary procedure. Whether it ends in a stronger nation or merely a well-rested assemblage remains to be seen. Until then, we can only anticipate a lot more cover snatching and blanket diplomacy in our nation’s capital. Sweet dreams, Parliament!