In an unprecedented legislative blunder that could only happen in the land where tea is the social elixir, the British Parliament has accidentally enacted a law requiring every citizen to take a tea break every 15 minutes. This improbable outcome came after a late-night debate on the optimal frequency of workplace caffeine consumption spiraled wildly out of control.
The law, officially titled “The Regular Intermission Employment Sustainability Act” (or R.I.E.S.A), was initially meant to offer guidance on appropriate tea break etiquette in drudge-heavy jobs where the kettle is the one device that never gathers dust. However, an administrative mishap saw the words “once every 1.5 hours” replaced with “every 15 minutes,” which was approved by bleary-eyed MPs who had consumed rather too much tea themselves.
Upon realization of the legislative oopsie-daisy, several MPs immediately questioned how it had gone unnoticed. Tea Party Officiator Gerald Brewster, mistakenly blamed for orchestrating the incident, released a statement saying, “I merely suggested we all need more tea. I didn’t mean to create a nation of thermos-toting, biscuit-hoarding zombies!”
The new law has plunged workplaces into chaos, with frantic, whistling kettles now dictating the rhythm of the nation over the reputable chimes of Big Ben. Office productivity has plummeted, with reports of individuals forgetting what they were doing immediately before heading to the break room (ironically just to refill their memory).
Surprisingly, the law has become a surprise hit with employees everywhere. The “National Crumpet Association” has already seen a 500% increase in membership, and the sudden spike in demand for “fancy biscuits” has turned the humble Rich Tea into the most dangerous investment on the FTSE.
Critics argue that the new regulation might be excessive. Commuters have reported bizarre scenes on public transport, where simultaneous tea-brewing sessions cause carriages to fill with steam, obscuring all views except of disgruntled conductors carrying thermoses of Earl Grey.
The Prime Minister, who is believed to be brewing over this matter, addressed the nation in a televised speech. In it, he humorously noted that the law’s passage was fitting for the UK’s brand as a tea-loving nation. “Let’s not look at this as a mistake,” he encouraged, sipping from a mug that mysteriously never seemed to run out. “Instead, let’s consider this a celebration of our commitment to relaxation and regular bladder workouts.”
While immediate legislative action would typically be expected to correct this error, many MPs seem to be procrastinating, enjoying the convenient excuse to discuss the matter during their mandated tea breaks—a cycle that seems unlikely to break soon.
Until changes are made, Britain is set to become the most laid-back country on the planet, as citizens engage in extended discussions on the optimal brewing time (4 minutes, obviously) and whether dunking biscuits constitutes an art form. Who says legislation can’t bring a nation together for a cuppa?