Local Man Successfully Blames Slow Wi-Fi on Mercury Being in Retrograde
Cardiff, UK – In what can only be described as a breakthrough in the art of avoiding responsibility, a local man has successfully convinced his family, friends, and even his…
UK Announces New Currency: ‘Brexit Bucks’ – Can Only Be Used in Pubs and Tea Shops
London, UK – In a move that has baffled economists and delighted pub-goers, the UK government has unveiled its latest post-Brexit initiative: a new national currency known as “Brexit Bucks.”…
Royal Family Announces Plans to Open Buckingham Palace as Airbnb, Guests Required to Bring Own Crowns
London, UK – In a move that has left many both amused and bemused, the British Royal Family has announced that Buckingham Palace, the iconic residence of the monarch, will…
New Government Initiative to Increase Productivity: 4-Day Work Week, 3-Day Weekend, 2-Day Nap Time
London, UK – In a bold move to revolutionize the work-life balance, the UK government has announced a groundbreaking new initiative aimed at increasing national productivity while simultaneously reducing the…
Scientists Reveal Pigeons Are Secretly the World’s Best Gamers, Play Under the Name ‘Birdmaster’
In a revelation that has left both the scientific community and the gaming world in awe, scientists have uncovered that pigeons—yes, the same birds that you see pecking at crumbs…
Local Library Launches Book Delivery Via Drone; Only Deliveries Are to the Roof
In an ambitious effort to modernize its services and cater to tech-savvy readers, the Maplewood Public Library has launched a new book delivery service using drones. However, the innovative program…
Astronomers Confirm Moon Is 99% Cheese; Global Fondue Parties Planned
In a discovery that has left both the scientific community and culinary enthusiasts reeling with excitement, astronomers have confirmed that the Moon is, in fact, composed of 99% cheese. The…
Local Gym Offers ‘Netflix and Treadmill’ Membership; Everyone Signs Up, Nobody Attends
In an attempt to revolutionize the fitness industry and entice more people to hit the gym, a local fitness center has introduced a new and innovative membership plan called “Netflix…
Scientists Announce Breakthrough: Coffee Now Officially Classified as a Vegetable
In a groundbreaking development that has sent shockwaves through the culinary world and sparked celebrations among coffee lovers everywhere, scientists have announced that coffee is now officially classified as a…
Government Introduces Mandatory ‘Nap Time’ for Adults, Productivity Skyrockets
In a bold and unexpected move, the government has introduced a mandatory “Nap Time” policy for all adults in the workforce, a decision that has taken the country by surprise…