In a revelation that has sent shockwaves across both the culinary community and the cosmos, it appears astronauts have a not-so-well-known love affair with the moon’s supposed subterranean cheese reserves. This cheesy dilemma has prompted a galactic investigation, unraveling a dairy addiction so intense, it makes Earthly fondue fanatics look mild.
Sources close to NASA disclose an out-of-this-world secret that those giant steps for mankind were fueled by a rather peculiar motivation: an insatiable craving for lunar cheddar. It turns out, what humankind perceived as giant leaps were merely cheese-fueled haste as astronauts bounded across the lunar surface, seeking their next dairy fix.
“Everyone thought we were collecting moon rocks,” confessed one retired astronaut under the condition of anonymity (and after consuming a hefty slice of Brie). “In reality, we were hoarding moon cheese. You’d be surprised how many ‘moon rocks’ ended up on the cheeseboard back at mission control.”
The revelation has caused an unprecedented intergalactic dairy shortage. Witnesses report aliens queuing for miles outside universal Cheddar Comet Cheese Shops™️, eager to get their fix before their galactic graters fall silent. Alien life forms previously believed to communicate in advanced telepathy have resorted to desperate mooing, mimicking their earthbound milk-producing counterparts.
“This addiction has threatened all known civilizations,” said an alien consortium leader, hastily adjusting a cheesecloth toga. “We demand Earth sends reparations in the form of government-issued blue cheese!”
The conspiracy has drawn mixed reactions back on Earth. Cheese enthusiasts are thrilled, planting their own flags in cheese blocks around the world in solidarity with their lunar-loving brethren. Countries are even re-negotiating their space policies, with Switzerland leading the charge, eager to launch their fondue-fueled spaceships, declaring, “We were born ready for space cheese!”
To mitigate the crisis, a coalition of concerned cheddar-loving citizens is formulating a plan to establish the first interplanetary Cheese Rehabilitation Center (CRC) on the ISS (International Space Snackstation). Here, astronauts will undergo a rigorous detox program involving non-dairy alternatives and forgetful yet tolerant lactose-free counselors.
Meanwhile, scientists back on Earth are racing to develop cheese-detecting drones to trace leftover curd crumbs to unlock the mysteries of secretly stashed moon cheese. Rumors have surfaced suggesting the recent increase in global cheese prices might be directly linked to clandestine moon-based dairy heists.
Asked for comment, the recently reposted, cheese-clad Buzz Aldrin replied, simply and cryptically, with a sly grin, “No whey.”
As humanity braces for the possibility of cheese intergalactic tariffs and underground moon dairy markets, one thing is certain: for a few select astronauts, the moon will always be a dish they’d gladly reach out and grate.