In an astoundingly unexpected turn of events, it seems that scientists on Mars have developed a curious fixation on Earth cultures. Through the mysterious power of forensic extraterrestrial archaeology, Martian researchers have recently stumbled upon relics from humanity’s past: the ancient Voyager probes. To the delight and bewilderment of Martian academicians, these cosmic time capsules bore witness to what can only be described as Earthlings’ peculiar yet profound adoration for what they call “avocado toast.”
Professor Gloopwumble, a leading Martian anthropologist and avocado aficionado, was the first to access the treasured walnut-sized storage device aboard Voyager 2. As the holographic image flickered to life, it revealed a montage of scenic landscapes, snippets of different lifeforces, and—strangely—an excessive number of breakfast plates featuring meticulously mashed avocados atop bread slices.
“It was truly a revelation,” Professor Gloopwumble exclaimed through blobby green tears during a press conference. “For years, we thought Earthlings thrived on sunlight and peculiar affection for cats. We now understand their sustenance derives significantly from this lush green fruit, treated with temple-like reverence.”
Back at the Martian research facility, scientists gathered to analyze the implications of this newfound knowledge. They hold weekly workshops to perfect the art of avocado toast making, launching theories aplenty about the mystical significance of the sprinkling of seeds and drizzle of oil—a ritual they have dubbed “millennial runes.”
The discovery has also sparked a cultural phenomenon among Martians, who are keen to incorporate these new practices into their everyday routines. Indeed, intermarital gift exchanges at ceremonial touchings—think Martian weddings without the need for dry cleaning bills—now frequently include offerings of imported avocados and ornately carved bread loaves.
In an attempt to grasp the full magnitude of Earth’s avocado worship, Martian televise channels have introduced reality shows such as “Toast of Our Stars” and “The Great Avocado Off,” where contestants compete for the Golden Pestle trophy. Ratings are reportedly out of this world.
Meanwhile, on Earth, the monumental news of Martian research has yet to hit home. However, avocado farmers are advised to brace for an interstellar surge in demand. Stockpiling is recommended—personally, I’m opening a chain of stores planet-wide: “Avocado Jones and the Temple of Toast.”
To Earthlings, the obsession with avocado toast may seem like just another hipster trend gone planetary. To Martians, it signifies the unraveling of the universe’s tastiest mystery since the cosmic meaning of gluten-free pancakes. Indeed, with interplanetary breakfast diplomacy, Earthlings and Martians may yet find common ground on the quest for life’s savoriest enigmas. Who knows what other intergalactic secrets those Voyager probes have in store? Perhaps we’ll soon learn about ancient Earth’s other mysteries, like their prehistoric devotion to frappuccinos or the enigmatic art of “googling oneself.”
Until then, we remain in solidarity with our Martian friends: spreading the joy, and the avocados, one slice at a time.