In a groundbreaking discovery that has left both scientists and ice cream enthusiasts baffled, local eccentric Bertie Frobisher claims to have unveiled the secret to eternal youth: a daily scoop of kale-flavored ice cream.
“I was experimenting with unusual ice cream flavors because, honestly, I’ve run out of hobbies since retiring,” Bertie explained, sporting a snazzy bowtie that’s as ageless as he appears. “Then one day, after churning a particularly unappetizing batch of kale ice cream, I noticed something astounding.”
It turns out Bertie, previously known for occasional creaky knees and the odd afternoon nap, suddenly found himself vigor-rich and naptime-free. Observers noted he bounded around like a caffeinated squirrel and developed a suspiciously radiant complexion reminiscent of a Photoshopped magazine cover.
Skeptical neighbors initially attributed Bertie’s youthful bounce to a new brand of orthopedic slippers, but as he started adding cartwheels to his daily routine, curiosity grew. Intrigued, a few brave souls dared to sample this mysterious fountain of youth.
“It tastes like despair crossed with broccoli,” reported Mrs. Edwina Collins, who was lured by promises of rejuvenation but remained firmly attached to her walker. “But then again, age always advises us to try new things.”
Word spread, and soon, Bertie’s small kitchen became the unlikely epicenter of a kale-ice-cream-fueled revolution, drawing from far and wide those desperate to trade wrinkles for wisdom. People even proposed spin-off flavors like spinach sorbet and celery sherbet, albeit with a similar lackluster enthusiasm from taste testers.
As for science, researchers have greeted Bertie’s claims with cautious optimism. “We’re sending a batch to the lab,” said Dr. Fiona Kalewitz (no relation to the vegetable). “It’s possible he’s just deliriously happy from all the endorphins released by accomplishing something no one asked for.”
The kale ice cream craze has inspired Bertie to dive deep into the secrets of vegetable-infused frozen desserts. Rumor has it he’s experimenting with a carrot gelato that allegedly enables night vision—pending candlelit testing.
While the results are not yet scientifically verified, for the kale-loving—or simply kale-tolerant—this could mark the beginning of a new era in icy indulgence and self-preservation. And as for Bertie, he continues to perfect his recipe, dreaming of a future where kale becomes synonymous with vitality, not just unavoidable in salads.
In the meantime, residents are split between excitement at the possibility of eternal freshness and horror at the taste of grassy goop in cone form. Bertie, however, remains optimistic: “The fairer the ice cream, the fuller the life… or something like that,” he quips. Eternally youthful and perhaps eternally eccentric, Bertie has proven one indisputable truth: longevity may lie in an open mind—and a resilient palate.