Residents of the small town of Greendale have been left stunned this week after the local trees collectively submitted a formal demand for higher wages, claiming their oxygen production efforts have gone significantly above and beyond since the area’s recent air quality improvements.
In an unprecedented move, the Greendale Oak, Willow, and Maple Guild (GOWMAG) delivered a hand-lettered petition to the town hall, requesting a 15% raise in “leaf-labor compensation.” The document, signed in sap with elaborate leaf prints, argues that as air pollution has dramatically decreased—thanks to community carpooling initiatives and the closure of the local factory—the trees are literally working harder to supply the now-fresher air.
“We’ve been offering unrestricted, non-stop oxygen 24/7 for decades, but suddenly the air’s so good that the humans seem to be expecting premium quality,” read a press release interpreted by the town’s arborist liaison, Flora Greene. “It’s only fair that the trees receive proportional benefits for their increased output and morale boost.”
Citizens are reportedly torn about the request. Longtime resident and avid jogger Sam Breathwell expressed sympathy: “If I had to produce all that oxygen, especially in this heat, I’d want a little something extra too. Maybe some extra water or occasional fertilizer?”
Local businesses have chimed in as well, with the Mayor announcing a special “Branch Bonus Fund” to discuss potential compensation packages, including suggestions such as monthly mulch stipends and occasional bird chorus concerts as perks.
Meanwhile, environmental experts caution that negotiating with flora could set a tricky precedent. Dr. Leafy McSprout of the National Botanical Institute warned, “If trees start demanding pay raises, next thing you know, the grass will want hazard pay for all the mowing it endures.”
The trees, however, remain firm. A spokesperson—an imposing ancient oak—declined an interview but reportedly rustled its leaves in what was interpreted as a “no comment” twirl.
Greendale residents can only wait nervously to see whether their leafy neighbors will settle for a handful of compost or branch out into full labor strikes—and whether the town will finally blink green on its budget sheet.