In a breakthrough that’s set to shake up water-cooler conversations and make inboxes everywhere slightly less tragic, a local tech start-up has unveiled the world’s first self-assembling office emails that write themselves. No, it’s not another auto-correct nightmare or AI chatbot pretending to be your manager — this is a fully fledged email that magically puts itself together while you pretend to be busy.
The brainchild of a group of caffeine-fueled coders who reportedly survived on instant noodles and bad ideas for three months straight, the product is being hailed as the answer to every office worker’s prayer: eliminate the agonizing task of wordsmithing meaningless corporate messages. Instead of painfully crafting emails about synergy and deliverables, users simply input a few vague keywords like “deadline,” “team effort,” or “circling back,” and voilà — a perfectly polished, utterly bland message materializes on screen.
Early testers have reported mixed reactions. One beta user swears the emails are so authentic, his boss actually replied with “Thanks for the update.” Another was terrified when the software included a passive-aggressive reminder about attendance with a tone suspiciously similar to their HR rep. Some users fear the bot might become too efficient, potentially causing an avalanche of work with all that newfound productivity — a problem the start-up vows to tackle in future updates with a “Procrastination Mode.”
Aside from the obvious perks of saving time, the technology might inadvertently help users master the fine art of corporate jargon. The algorithms are so sophisticated they can generate phrases like “leveraging strategic partnerships” and “optimizing stakeholder engagement” with Einstein-level precision. Some speculate this could lead to a new breed of office workers who communicate exclusively in buzzwords, much to the confusion of everyone outside the corporate bubble.
The start-up’s CEO insists that this is just the beginning, with plans already underway for an upgrade that will auto-schedule pointless meetings and even generate awkward small talk for video calls. If these developments come to fruition, the modern office worker might soon wonder if they’re simply cogs in a machine being slowly replaced by their own inventions — or if they’ve finally found a way to nap without consequences.
For now, productivity may never be the same, but at least replying to those “quick questions” just got a whole lot easier.