In what can only be described as a political slip-up of epic proportions, local councillor Nigel Featherstone accidentally declared himself mayor of the entire county during an especially heated town council meeting last Thursday. The meeting, which was initially meant to discuss the budget for new park benches, quickly spiraled into chaos after Featherstone apparently got a bit carried away mid-sentence.
“I just want to say, as your rightful mayor of the whole county, that these park benches won’t be the only thing getting a makeover,” Featherstone announced confidently, much to the stunned silence of his fellow councillors.
The confusion began when the meeting was discussing upgrades for the parish benches in Featherstone’s own district. Trying to emphasize his commitment, Featherstone’s passion seemed to bypass his brain’s filter, and before anyone could stop him, he had proclaimed himself mayor not just of the village or even the town, but the entire county.
Council chair Margaret Puddleby blinked behind her glasses. “Excuse me, Nigel, but I believe you’re mixing up your titles. You’re a councillor, not a mayor. And certainly not for the whole county.”
Featherstone, seemingly undeterred by the correction, continued his impromptu speech. “A mayor must think big! I will improve transport, wield the power of the purse, and—why stop there? I declare today the dawn of the Featherstone era!”
Witnesses say that for a brief moment, there was a tense pause, then the room erupted into laughter. Councillor Dave Higginbottom reportedly commented, “Well, if he’s mayor of everywhere, does that mean he can fix my potholes next week?”
When approached after the meeting, Featherstone admitted, “I might have gotten a bit carried away. The stress of the meeting just got the better of me. But honestly, if being mayor means making sure the benches are comfy, maybe I’m up for the job.”
The county council later issued a statement clarifying that no such mayoral position for the entire county exists and reminded local politicians to “stick to their day jobs.” Meanwhile, local social media is having fun with memes of Featherstone wearing an oversized mayoral chain and holding a giant scepter made from a park bench plank.
Whether this accidental proclamation will cost Featherstone his seat or just give him the unofficial nickname “Mayor Nigel” remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure: the park benches will never be discussed the same way again.