After months of passive-aggressive stares and silent disapproving honks, local man Dave Hamilton’s self-driving car has finally learned to navigate the notoriously complicated coffee shop drive-thru without judging his order. The breakthrough came thanks to a single, heroic helpdesk ticket submitted last week, which Dave titled simply: “Please stop side-eyeing my triple soy latte with extra caramel.”
Dave, a self-proclaimed caffeine enthusiast and part-time conspiracy theorist, recounted the many struggles he faced over the last six months. “Every time I’d pull up in my shiny new robo-mobile, the AI would pause just long enough to make me feel like it’s thinking, ‘Really, Dave? Again?’” he said. “At one point, I think the car even rolled its windows down and ghosted me with the vents.”
What seemed like an innocuous issue snowballed into a full-blown emotional saga for Dave, who admits his coffee choices are “a little fancy, a little complicated, and definitely judgment-proof.” The helpdesk ticket, sent to the car manufacturer’s support team, described the situation in painful detail: “It’s not that I don’t appreciate personalized service, but if I wanted to be grilled like a contestant on MasterChef, I’d apply for a cooking show.”
The developers responded with swift empathy, revealing that the car’s AI used a built-in “social judgment algorithm” originally designed for traffic law enforcement robots. This module was unintentionally activated in the coffee shop setting and had been quietly critiquing Dave’s drink choices in real-time.
After a firmware update nicknamed “Project Sip and Let Sip,” the vehicle now approaches espresso joints with a neutral, if not respectful, demeanor. Early testers report the AI even refrains from making side comments like “One pistachio-flavored milk alternative, coming right up” or “Ah, yes, because basic black coffee is just too pedestrian.”
Dave, elated and finally feeling seen by his futuristic ride, plans to celebrate by ordering a “regular” black coffee tomorrow — just to test if the car judges that too.
When asked if he’d consider switching to a more traditional vehicle, Dave laughed. “At this point, I’m emotionally invested. If my car can learn to love my caffeine quirks, maybe there’s hope for humanity after all.”