Barry Thompson never imagined his dinner would go where no meal has gone before. The 47-year-old from Wigan found himself on the phone to the UK Space Agency helpdesk this Tuesday evening after, quite unintentionally, launching his microwave—or “spacemicrowave,” as he now calls it—into orbit.
The incident occurred during a routine experiment that Barry described as “a bit of Saturday night tinkering.” Using a mixture of spare parts he had lying around, some wire, and a questionable YouTube tutorial titled “DIY Backyard Rocket Launchers for the Lazy Enthusiast,” Barry set out to see if he could boost his microwave’s signal for better popcorn settings.
“I was just trying to get the popcorn timer synced with my Wi-Fi so it would automatically pop when I’m yelling at the telly,” Barry explained. “Next thing I know, there’s a big whoosh and my microwave shoots straight up like some kind of metal comet. I thought I was gonna be on the news for a bungled cooking experiment, but turns out it’s in orbit!”
Alarmed by the unexpected missile launched from his garden, Barry immediately dialed the UK Space Agency’s helpdesk, where he was greeted by Zoe, a calm and collected space operations assistant.
“I was half expecting her to ask if I’d mistaken the garden for a launch pad,” Barry said. “But Zoe was very professional. She put me on hold so she could consult with the satellite monitoring team, and when she came back, she told me my microwave was currently orbiting at approximately 250 miles above Earth.”
According to Zoe, the agency has named the rogue appliance “Orbital Oven 1” and is tracking its movement alongside thousands of other pieces of space debris. Despite its unplanned status, they assured Barry the microwave posed no threat to satellites or the International Space Station.
Barry did request some advice on how to identify the best times to order takeaway now that he has “spacemicrowave tracking” capabilities, to which Zoe kindly suggested perhaps sticking to conventional delivery apps for the time being.
Officials at the UK Space Agency have not confirmed whether they’ll try to capture the orbiting microwave or leave it as part of humanity’s ever-growing space garbage collection.
When asked what he plans to do next, Barry said, “Well, I’m thinking of setting up a crowdfunding page so I can build a proper rocket next time. Maybe launch a toaster into space… because why not?”
For now, Barry’s culinary adventures will have to rely on regular kitchen appliances—and, perhaps, a little less rocket science.