In a shocking and bizarre twist in the world of cybercrime, an elderly woman’s Facebook account has become the latest target for hackers, demanding an unconventional ransom that has left many scratching their heads. Despite the usual currency of choice being Bitcoin or Monero, these tech-savvy bandits have turned to something even more valuable—or so they believe: three tins of beans.
Ethel McPhee, an energetic 82-year-old known among her friends for her lively Facebook presence, awoke yesterday morning to discover her beloved account was hijacked. A cryptic message replaced her usual morning post of kitten videos: “We have your Facebook, Ethel. Send us one Bitcoin and three tins of beans if you ever want to poke someone again.”
Ethel, bemused and unsure whether it was a joke, initially dismissed the message. It wasn’t until she tried to share her recently baked scone recipe that the reality of the situation sank in.
Speaking from her cozy living room in Merseyside, Ethel expressed her bewilderment. “I’ve heard of the cryptocurrency, but beans? Why beans? Are they having a barbecue, maybe?”
David, Ethel’s 13-year-old grandson and her unofficial tech advisor, speculates that the hackers are possibly eccentric students in need of urgent sustenance and a thrill or desperate doomsday preppers stockpiling for an imminent apocalypse. “It’s a weird ask, but it could also be irony. Beans are the currency of a post-apocalyptic world, aren’t they? Maybe they just love a good laugh. Or maybe they’re just starving post-grads,” David reasoned while scrolling through his various social media profiles.
Local law enforcement, on the other hand, has seen a rise in quirky ransom demands this month, calling it the month of “Bizarre Robbery Autumn.” The constable leading the investigation noted that the precinct has dealt with demands involving vintage Pokémon cards, rare stamps, and even half a crate of tangerines.
Alan Bakedwell, chief editor of a well-known cybersecurity blog, thinks this might be the start of a new trend in the hacking world. “It’s a brilliant move, actually. With an economy this unpredictable, tins of beans might be more stable than Bitcoin. Hackers are probably hedging their bets.”
Meanwhile, Ethel has stayed optimistic. She remains determined to reclaim her online presence without giving in to the criminals’ odd demands. For now, she has returned to more traditional forms of communication—she has seen a spike in pen pal letters ever since the incident, and her phone line has been busier than ever with friends checking in since the drama unfolded.
“My grandson’s got a techy friend who might help sort it all out,” Ethel confides, “and between you and me, I quite like the letters. They’re more personal, less…. emoji, you know?”
The residents of Merseyside are rooting for Ethel’s triumphant return to Facebook. Meanwhile, the local supermarket has reported a sharp increase in bean sales, suggesting the entire town is ready to fight cybercrime one can at a time.